accumulated sleep deprivation, what should I do??
tldr: i think i have accumulated severe sleep deprivation. im scared for my healt/life. am i just anxious or should i go consult a doctor/the er
for context: i have been diagnosed with a few mental health stuff years ago now (including bipolar disorder, ptsd, and asd). i used to be on sleep meds, have been for 5+ years. last year, during a relapse, i stopped taking them (to avoid crossing substances etc). i had been back on them briefly, but after getting out of therapy, missing a psych appointment, moving and not knowing how to get my prescription transfer to a new pharmacy branch without a new prescription, i was left with no medication since then.
its been nearly nine nonths without meds at this point? i have been unable to get an appointment with my psychiatrist too
ive been fine for a while, but for the past two months, the struggle with sleep has been getting worse. i find myself unavle to sleep and started dealing with synptoms of sleep deprivation. at first i would be unable to sleep for a night or two a week, but for the oast month and a ½/2 months, i have been stuck unavle to sleep for 36-50+ hours straight, crash for a day, then right back to being unable to sleep.
the symptoms have not only gotten worse, but are now persistent, including feeling bugs, seeing stuff move out the corner if my eyes, feeling jumpy and wired, being unfocussed and struggling to understand and remember anything, people looking uncanny in a way? i dont know gow to describe whats going on honestly, but i know that whatever is really happening to me is deeply wrong.
i find myself struggling to eat, no appetite or energy to prepare food for myself. the lack of sleep has started affecting my other health issue, mental and physical. i have been slipping deeper and deeper into a depressive episode, it destroyed my routine and so i am much less able to push through sensory issues unavle to mask etc, emotions all over the place, chronic pain worse than it usually it this season/weather, etc
currently, i have been awake and unavle to sleep for 40hours (maybe 42? not sure anymore?)
i have been unable to break this weird cycle through normal methods, no matter what ive tried, i am unable to sleep until i fully physically crash
i considered more than once using alcohol, benzos, codeine, or any other substance to try and force induce sleep, but i havent so far (dont want to relapse because of it)
i genuinely don't know what to do anymore. i feel like I'm slowly dying and i feel powerless at this point. should i keep calling my psych? my doctor? should i wait it out? should i go to the er? will the symptoms keep getting worse? can i die from this or am i just paranoid?
sorry im just so lost right now. its excruciating, painful, exhausting and scarry.
I'm terrified of going to the doctor/er if its not urgent enough, and i dont know who to ask irl about what i should do
does anyone know what i should do? should i try to make a new appointment? go to the er?
please
(also: sorry for grammar/mistakes/wording. i havent slept in 40+ hours, im struggling to focus explain and write. and english isnt my first language)
also if theres something unclear just ask
sorry i cant think clearwr than this