A rock in a hard place, Advice??
Hey, just looking to vent I don’t really have a lot of friends and I feel that a lot of people that are close to me already have their minds made up.
I (28F) started dating my fiancé (33M) back in 2020 and we met in California, everything was good early on in a relationship. He did have issues with his son’s mom and finances. I felt it was early on in the relationship and during his dark time, he felt comfortable enough to confide in me and I remember telling myself I don’t wanna be the one to kick somebody when they’re down.
let’s fast forward, after 1 year dating, we moved out of state so that way we can start our own lives together would start out fine then became I was able to see the true him. No he wasn’t abusive, he lacks accountability, wasn’t the most hygienic. I would have to ask him to shower before bed, he was emotionally abusive, he knew what would upset me and what would hurt me and he would use it against me. Also he was just running through jobs. I was able to get a job transferred with my company and he was told that he would be able to transfer with his job too, however he did not. I feel ever since then it’s been job after job. He was always getting fired for something but it was never “his fault”. It was as everyone was just out to get him and he had a struggle with accountability.
I shared with him that when he’s in between jobs, I’m the one that has to carry the weight of the house not just for myself but for him and his son.We’re all together. And it’s just been an exhausting journey.
Also to mention he’s very into video games, he would play the video games for hours on and sometimes he wouldn’t even go to sleep. He’ll go to work late to pay video games. He’ll go to any appointments late to play video games. It was really bad we had a conversation about it and because of how it made me feel, and I felt that he could be more present in the home, especially with the sun here I think he can set a better role model. He finds a good job, he got into a car accident and totaled his car and was able to get a settlement with that settlement it came and gone. When things were going well for us, I got pregnant three years into our relationship and end up having a miscarriage and then a few months later he proposed, and then later on in the year I was pregnant again.
So last year postpartum, it was probably the worst year of our relationship. I was out of work for 12 weeks and I was still paying all the bills by myself, though I was on leave in freshly postpartum. He had lost his job right before I gave birth so he was able to be present however, in the hospital, they felt he was very pushy for us to go home because he didn’t wanna stay there. That was a whole other story. I was hospitalized a week later and it was also my birthday so one week postpartum preeclampsia and I wasn’t with my baby. I was hospitalized alone and all he got me was a card and a teddy bear from the hospital gift shop.
I felt like shit, my first Mother’s Day. He said that he thought I had enough flowers and didn’t believe I needed more, mind you. I woke up that morning. It made breakfast for everyone, nonetheless halfway into Mother’s Day he went and bought me flowers and stuff from like the grocery store like summer section, it was a mess. At this time, my mom and younger sister stayed in our guest bedroom to help me postpartum with the baby while we both worked. It was fun while it lasted. He and my mom bumped head so much and believe it or not. He bumped head with my younger sister too, and he used to piss me off how he would talk to her . And I know it sounds like yes I’m able to choose what I want to deal with, but I always feel like once we have these conversations and we lay it out on the table that things go back to normal and things get better and now that things are better I’m still not happy. He’s ruined vacation, trips, birthdays, holidays, and one year after another. It’s like he promises me. It’ll be better and we’re going on year six and nothing‘s changed and now I have a one year-old I kinda wanna move back home.
I have someone I can stay with me and my baby. I know we’ll be fine. Will be closer to home We have our family in. I just have to plan my escape. He feels that I am not supporting him. I don’t trust him. He’s asked me to cosign on a car for him and I told him no he told me I embarrassed him and that he would do anything for me and I don’t reciprocate that for him. So now he’s trying to pick up the pieces and I feel like I’ve been checked out. I wanna go back home to California.
What should I do am I crazy for thinking we can make it work considering we have all this time invested or should I take a chance on myself and do what’s best for me and my daughter?
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**TL;DR;** : This is a sample summary of the TLDR rule, just copy the text in gray box. Is this going the right way?