Am I going through imposter syndrome like thoughts and loops or am I delusional and a liar or all of these right
I have been going through a lot. Had an incomplete in all my uni classes because of some medical and mental issues I have been having. I keep feeling like I lied to myself and others. I feel like all I needed in reality was someone to set me straight. Someone to tell me I am wrong and I am delusional and I can’t be experiencing what I am claiming to.
I sit now in the summer break feeling awful at everything I sat back. I hate replying now to advisors talking to doctors because I feel mostly fine now. I do still struggle with basic math and speaking but I feel like if I was as fine as I am now back then I could’ve pulled it off not all of it, but enough so that I feel like I tried truly. I feel like I gave up. I feel like a failure. I feel like a fraud.
I feel like I faked everything so that I can withdraw somehow.
I was experiencing awful symptoms that I couldn’t explain. I would wake up with my mouth numb completely and my hands and feet. I can barely walk and talk.
First time it happened I embarrassingly thought I was having some sort of stroke. The doctors told me there was nothing wrong with me and that it was all my mental illness, but I am only diagnosed with anxiety and depression. Of course it kept happening every time I slept and so I became an insomniac and had to be hospitalized as I went into psychosis from almost a week of not sleeping.
Is there something else I am unaware of? A diagnosis hidden from me?
How did my mental health lead to all that?? How did I come up with this shit and let myself live through it? Why was the doctors word not enough? Why did I still have those symptoms? Why do I not have most of them ever now?