Depression during college
Being depressed during college is such an awful thing.
I know I don’t have that much life perspective as an undergraduate, but seeing my peers around me (I go to a very prestigious university) have fun with their friends and build the foundations of their very successful careers, while I struggle with the most basic of human things is, to me, a fate worse than death. I would rather kill myself than continue falling down this hole while everyone else wonders what the fuck happened to such a “bright kid”, but for better or for worse my parents are getting old and I know killing myself would absolutely destroy them mentally and physically so I haven’t done it yet.
I can say fuck Covid and blame others all I want for how I ended up turning out but I know it’s fucking pointless anyways. I was always destined to be a complete fucking failure and I should’ve known I was sooner rather than later so I could remove myself from this reality.