18F - Life keeps bringing my first crush back, but I'm still afraid
I first saw this boy in 4th grade, and somehow, little me instantly developed a crush on him. We were both shy, awkward kids who could barely look at each other without blushing. We were in the same friend group, and for years, that was our silent little story.
In 7th grade, I changed schools and lost contact with him. I thought that chapter of my life was over.
Then, two years later, we randomly met again because he went to a coaching center near my area. We started seeing each other almost every day on the way there. One day, he told me he had something important to say. I already knew what it was.
He confessed that he'd liked me since 4th grade.
The funny thing is, I had liked him for just as long.
I said yes at first, but later I backed out. I was young, scared, and worried about what my family would think. He never got angry, never pressured me, and simply respected my decision.
After that, we lost contact again.
Four years later, life somehow brought us together for the third time. We ended up in the same college. He approached me again and asked if we could just start as friends. No pressure, no expectations.
And honestly? The feelings never left.
I've never had a relationship. I've never liked anyone else the way I've liked him all these years. Every time we meet, my heart still reacts the same way it did when I was a kid.
The problem is that something keeps stopping me. He's genuinely kind, respectful, and patient. I know I like him. But I've always been the kind of person who imagined loving one person and staying with them forever. Dating feels scary to me, even when it's someone I've cared about for years.
Sometimes I wonder how many people get a second chance with their first love.
I got three.
So why am I still so afraid to take a chance on him?