Trying to convince myself..(long one, sorry for the duration in advance )
Hey gang, so this is 2026,i was into this girl from the end of 2023,and my 2024 was all about her
So this girl is my friend's batchmate during our intermediate, my friend and her was in a girls school, and that girl was there since her primary shooling, so basically not much connections with boys
So during the youth festival time, another friend of mine was showing me their practice videos and stuff and i found this girl in that and just she's very cute,and my friend told it to her and then it's been a daily routine and one day she got sick and admitted for a month in the hospital and my contact was got cancelled, so i texted her asking how's she feeling now and all about her health conditions, then we started texting, everybody started saying that I'm the only boy she didn't block even after knowing i like her, so i got a little hope
As i mentioned earlier we were in different school, actually just 200 metre difference but still can't meet, the only way is i can see her sitting in the window seat of the bus while it passes through our bus stop, after some days i started to travell in that bus whenever i spotted her in it, it was opposite of my route and was so long and return buses was a myth, she also liked this behavior of this, and later i came to know that some guys who were trying to win her heart stopped trying because they thought she loves me, so my hope got stronger
Days passed, texting continued and i came to know that she was preparing for the neet from the 10th and it was her dream and she's gonna leave the town for coaching after +2 boards, after knowing the fact that she's leaving, i got tensed and rushed to her and pressured herself for commitment, but she was like this wasn't the time for such things, she's not seeing herself in that position right now and don't believe in teenage love and all, but desperate me pressurized and ended up in a block and dislike on me, she left the town just after 2 days after the block, and in hostel she can't use the phone and i also decided to don't disturb her until she finished her coaching
She finished her coaching and attended the exam in this may, and i was eagerly waiting for the day, i contacted her through her best friend and she said that she will not change her mind only because time passed, she said don't try to contact her again and i got so hurt
I respect her no, but i feel so bad that my 1 year of no contact and waiting got wasted,i could have felt better if she talked to me atleast for a day, how was her life there and so, but it didn't happened,i thought patience, consistency and love will return love, but it doesn't
Now i can't see anything, i know i can't force her and i don't want a forced love, but now idk what to do, my 1st year of uni is over and i don't even have a proper female friend because i was all lost in this girl, living like a divorced husband in uni, keeping her photo in my wallet all the time, hoping for a good end but here we go,
I have no idea on How can i convince myself that everything got wasted and over
How to move on, I'm done, literally, uni is horrible and nobody relates to me there, and all my friends are sperated for studies and I'm just alone and all this happened, idk what to do gang