oru aagraham
I'm 20F, never been in relationship. not even the school romance where you go around telling "avanum njnum loveaa", literally no romantic experiences. not even had anyone propose me or show or express any sort of interest in me in these long 20 years of my life.
till 8th I was avg in studies, from 10th i kinda was class topper and stuff. never felt like relationship is an important part of life until almost 2 years back when I realised, all the time that I had spent ignoring, i actually wished for one.
I've felt like I'm not bad looking (or maybe avg looking, it's subjective ik) or anything or has any weird behavioural problems. Relationship wasn't millions of kilometres closer to the things that I thought would be concerning/affecting me. But recently it changed a lot.
I keep wondering what is the aspect about me that keeps an entirety of male population away or uninterested in me, and i wonder if there's anything by default that is undesirable in me. I always used to believe (or prolly tried convincing) myself that I would never crave or yearn for a person.
Now I study outside Kerala, and my college has more successful relationships than friendships afaik. Not to mention three of my roomates are committed, I'm not jealous of any them. But the way these ppl are in a relationship makes me really wanna be in a relationship. Like yk they have someone to text, to share stuffs, to hold hands, to make eye contacts, to be with all the time. They're making cute weekend plans with their bf's.
The first thing these ppl do after waking up in mrng is to wake up their guys or make sure they're awake or the reverse (their guys will wake these ppl). What do I do? Scroll or overthink :(
I'm getting really sad whenever I start wondering if I'll ever find a person in my life who would want me. It's genuinely scary. I mean like, what if no one is ever interested in me at all, what if no one finds me pretty, what if no one ever wants to hold my hands, what if no one ever wants to listen to me yapping abt all the silly things in my life.
this shi genuinely has me questioning my worth, i mean i didn't know that I was unworthy of being loved. kazhinja oru 1½ week aayittu njn continuously parayunnath is like enikku aarelem premikkanam.
ithum kandondu sympathetic dm's eduth varandaaa.
I need proper advice or shi like that
TL;DR: premichaal kollaam ennund, never been in one, don't have anyone, experience cheyyaan oru aagraham