did a gap year after disappointing results as a premed
tldr: i'm probably going to have to resit my exam. and i keep giving myself second chances for a tomorrow that never comes.
i feel like i haven't learnt my lesson lol. i got into medical school after not doing that well as a premed (non-us med school). in my final year of high school i fell in love with bio and i was doing well but ultimately crashed and burned my average at the end. fair enough. i did all the soul searching, i got a shit job and realised how much i still liked learning. i got accepted into medical school against the odds, i had a good semester 1 and got a good grade. i felt this failure was in my rear view mirror.
semester 2 comes around. i was kind of depressed in semester 1 despite it being 'good': i felt i had no friends, and i think ppl would subtly chide me for spending a lot of my time in the library. it wasn't obvious, more like subtle digs; 'you basically live in the library' 'when will you come out with us?' i was disappointed at my lack of proper friendships and the fact that these were also medical students let me put my guard down. so i went out more and did less work on the weekends. i felt less pressured to study, i started doing less work less consistently. i started failing. but i convinced myself i was a 'hard worker'.
april comes around. oh crap! exam soon! gotta study! but i never felt 'ready' to work. i also felt pretty inadequate like my whole year. and as we we're getting closer and closer to exams it got harder and harder to just block out some of that noise. i feel really disappointed. i was turning things around. and then just stopped.
its not the fact i have adhd. i don't feel like i'm incapable because i have adhd and i don't like suggesting its a crutch. if i got into medical school, it means i can be a doctor.
but i feel if i keep making these kinds of mistakes and errors, do i deserve another chance?