AIO by being disgusted by my mom for how she talks about my boyfriend?
Context: I (21F) have been dating my boyfriend (22M) for roughly 1.5 years now, long distance. We had been very close friends for ~6 years before we started dating, having met in high school. He's friendly, sociable, very well-liked in all circles. Just all around one of the most genuine people I've ever met in my life.
Since we met, my stepmom had ALWAYS made comments like "well why don't you just date [him]?" and totally loved him. He grew up more well-off than I did, with very textbook/stereotypical strict Asian parents (my family and I are white, and she makes uncomfortable, offhanded comments about him being Asian sometimes, too). His parents have controlled his life practically 100% so far, all being VERY rigidly structured around school. They pay for his apartment where he goes to college, he graduates this semester, and has already accepted a job offer in his field.
I, meanwhile, worked part-time all throughout high school, moved states on my own, and have been working/providing for myself while I go to school. I'll be the first one to admit that I struggle a lot with feeling ambitionless and depressed, and with working on top of that, I am a good bit behind him school/career-wise. He has never once made me feel lesser-than for it, even when I'm very very hard on myself, and is DISGUSTINGLY supportive. He just wants me to be happy and passionate in my career. I suppose I've "lived" more than he has, and would consider myself a bit more practical than him. His whole life has only ever been studying and school, where I've worked and rented and struggled more, sure.
On Mother's Day, I went out to dinner with my folks (dad + stepmom), as well as my stepmom's sister and her younger kids. While we were there, stepmom made a comment/joke about my boyfriend "not being good at anything", and then looked at me instantly with this grin like she was trying to gauge my reaction. She revised to say that he was good at what he goes to school for (comp sci) but "nothing else". I was pretty taken aback, and since it was Mother's Day and we were with her family, I didn't say much except for a "why would you say that?" which got dismissed pretty quickly, but I just can't wrap my head around what would compel her to say that unprompted. Like maybe she was (poorly) trying to express worry that he couldn't, like, take care of me or something(???). But it didn't come off that way, just insulting and mean for virtually no reason. He'd even called her to wish her a happy Mother's Day earlier in the day, and they chatted, and she seemed to be genuinely appreciative and happy by the gesture, so I really didn't expect this random dig at all.
Even though she pushed for us to be together since I was a teenager, now that we are dating, she's incredibly flimsy on her opinion of him. One minute she's gushing about how much she loves "her son" and the next she's borderline-insulting him to my face (this isn't the first time) for what seems like no reason at all. I get that his upbringing has been much more sheltered than my own, but that privilege isn't his fault and shouldn't be something to hate on in the first place, right?
Stepmom can definitely be the type of person to be rude just for the sake of it (insults strangers, makes needlessly hurtful comments to me/my dad, always has to be right 100% of the time, very passive aggressive), but it just felt totally unwarranted. He makes me incredibly happy and she knows that. My gut is telling me that it's actually got very little to do with him at all. It feels like a very she-and-I thing, but I just can't figure out what the issue really is.
I feel so silly for being so upset but I just hate how needlessly cruel she randomly is. More than that, I hate the unpredictability-- if she just flat out didn't like him, that would be one thing, but why gush about your "future son-in-law" some days and then turn around and spin this narrative that he's some clueless idiot? This is my boyfriend who I adore and love. It seriously irks me the way she talks about him. Am I being too dramatic being upset?