A story about drinking my own puke out of my work boots and still convincing myself I didn't have a problem.
Rock bottom me did some sick things.
One day I was hard-core sick and had just left the vape store where I took a whole pack of 100mg 5 count 7stax at once (like you do) which I had done for a year by then. 1 500mg pack in the morning before work and another 500mg pack as soon as I got home from work.
10 minutes later I'm on my hour commute back home so I could get a shower and go pull a 16 hour shift and felt a puke coming in hot.
I pulled over on the interstate and threw up in the only container I had...
My Work Boots
Both of them.
Filled them both up.
Waited 20 minutes and downed both boot full. Put the boots on and went to work.
Done and done.
I didn't feel any regret or remorse, shame or pride. I felt nothing. This was something I had to do so I did it and moved forward with the day.
Think about that. I was and still am working 16 hour shifts, but commuting almost every single day an hour there and an hour back before work just to get my fix because my finances were a mess and I usually couldnt get enough money together a day to pay for more than just that days 7oh. Wake up. Drive 2 hours. Go to work. Work 16 hours. Sleep almost never.
When I decided to quit and then actually quit successfully ( my success story is in my profile ) I started to become flooded with memories exactly like this one I shared with yall.
I was am extremely committed addict and even today I'm still discovering old memories I had forgotten about. You know, those hameful moments like this. Those moments that should have been a wake up call but just weren't.
Quit, yall. It will open your eyes.