So empty in marriage
I’m a 34-year-old woman married to a 54-year-old Finnish man. We’ve been together for 4 years. Deep into the marriage, I realized he cannot get me pregnant naturally. We tried IVF, but while he supported it financially, I felt completely alone emotionally. That period was one of the darkest times of my life.
I got pregnant once, but miscarried after about a week. I was devastated. I even had to drive myself to the hospital for the surgical procedure alone because he wasn’t emotionally supportive at all. I was depressed and suicidal during that time, but he treated my pain like it was “drama.” Honestly, that experience broke something inside me.
Over the last 2 years, I’ve slowly become emotionally empty in this marriage. He knows I’m considered attractive and I get compliments from people, especially women, but sometimes he says things that feel meant to destroy my confidence, like “you’re not who you think you are” or criticizing my body and stomach.
He owns the house and pays all the bills. I recently graduated as a nurse and now earn about 2400€ after tax, so my salary is fully mine and I’ve managed to save around 12,000€. Financially, staying is comfortable. But emotionally, I feel lonely, controlled, and deeply unhappy. I can barely communicate with him in person because he gets angry easily, so I often have to text him instead.
Now I’m at a point where I want to leave and start over. Part of me is terrified because I would be giving up comfort and stability. Another part of me feels excited at the idea of finally having peace, freedom, and a chance to rebuild my life while I’m still young enough to do so.
If you were in my position, would you stay for financial comfort and security, or leave for peace of mind and a fresh start? I would genuinely appreciate honest advice.