*if not allowed you can remove*
For 8 years my mom has been in a emotional abusive relationship with this man. To add to context, my mom was always in abusive relationships my whole childhood (with my dad and then other man after).
When she started dating this man I already knew the signs and impact (controlling, insulting her, making her cry, lying and possibly cheating) he had on my mom and told her as such. I was more confrontational with her as I was now an adult. The more I confronted her, the less she would confide in me and the more worried I would get. Since she was adamant to stay with him, I accepted it. Until I realized he would use me to hurt her : he often threatened me and insulted my and my partner’s character. Not to my face, but only directed at her. He is VERY controlling with her, but she justifies it by saying he is anxious and had a traumatic childhood. I’m not heartless and have some sort of sympathy for him, but I don’t think it justifies his behaviour.
Now she is married and has a house with him (he refuses to her have a will because he knows she wants to give me her share of the house). He is an active part of her life. She sometimes confides in me about the lows of the relationship. She already lost 2 friends because of him. He is genuinely not fun to be around, always lying about his accomplishments of telling far-fetched stories, I can sometime feel the tension between them when they are in a low. I refuse to stop seeing my mom because of him, so I tolerate him.
But now, I’m 28 weeks pregnant and doing a lot of self reflection about what I want for my child. I dont know if its the hormones or what, but I do not want this man near my baby. Maybe if me or my boyfriend are there I’ll be okay with it.
So my question comes down to this. Do you guys think I’m overeacting ? Am I right and if so. how do I tell my mom ? It’ll break her heart because that would mean she can’t babysit my kid in her house (cause he’s there). And I know it hurts her because we do lots of activities her my partner’s parents and barely with her and this man.
Thanks for taking the time to read me.