In-Laws repeatedly asking for money after moving out
A bit over a year ago, we made the mistake of having the in-laws move in with us. Both my husband and I work intense full-time jobs, he has been completing a specialized degree program in his spare time, and we have one child in full-time daycare, who is turning 2 this summer. The intent was to have extra hands to help out with childcare while I'm making dinner/doing chores on the weekend, because my husband has limited time during this season of life, and we have no other "village". Very low expectations, and MIL specifically had been going on and on about how much she wanted to help prior to initiating this arrangement.
What a mistake. Turns out that MIL very likely has borderline personality disorder. Big emotional outbursts at what should be very minor things, lots of verbal/emotional abuse towards everyone other than the baby, and cycles of idealizing/devaluing us. FIL has enabled this behavior by completely staying out of it whenever possible. Needless to say, it was very stressful for me to work from home with them downstairs, and I became very avoidant of them because I did not have the capacity to deal with it on top of my stressful job and navigating the first years of motherhood mostly on my own. We also learned that their willingness/capability of "help" was limited to either holding a baby and/or pushing the stroller around the neighborhood, and were generally far more interested in their iPad slot games than anything else. Their "help" became less and less feasible in the transition from baby to very active toddler, and as my trust in them dropped to zero.
We initiated the "this isn't going to work out" conversation in early September. They finally found a house across the country and moved out 6 1/2 months later in mid-March. Since the new year, my husband has been in a tumultuous job situation. He was forced to quit his job in January, started a temporary job in March (which is ending this week), and is still figuring out the next job move. The 2 months of unemployment and filing taxes took a big hit to our savings since we are in a VHCOL area and are in a rental which is (at least theoretically) large enough to accommodate the in-laws living there too.
In this two months of peace, we have been very low contact. Today is now the third time via text that they have asked us to pay for their moving expenses to get out. Huge wall of texts from FIL, but we all know it is initiated from MIL and massaged by ChatGPT to try and act like they care more than simply asking for money.
"It sounds like your job situation is still undecided and uncertain about where you're going to live. I guess the current job isn't worth relocating for? Maybe it's time to get out of the super expensive area of Southern California to take away some of the stress and financial obligation. I like it here because it's just regular people getting by, and at a more casual pace. That's probably only good because of being retired, and would not be good for career minded people. It's been about a month since we talked regarding moving expenses and it sounds like your money situation is still not back to where you want. Have you and [my name] discussed an amount that you are willing to contribute towards moving us out? We keep having to buy things for the house and say "we just gave one of those away in [hometown]." Anyway let me know what is going on with your job and residence choices. How's [child] doing? Is he talking yet? Send a video of him sometime."
We are letting it marinate for a while before responding, but what the actual fuck. You do not get to dictate the timing of any monetary gifts, ESPECIALLY while we are still financially unstable. You do not get access to my child after being repeatedly abusive to me.