Scared my boyfriend is falling out of love with me
My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 years and are both in our early 20s. For years we’ve talked about getting married and our future together so I’ve felt secure that I’ve found the person I get to spend the rest of my life with. However, recently I’ve been really worried that he is falling out of love with me or doesn’t want to be with me. When marriage/engagement is brought up he basically just says how anxious it makes him and how difficult getting a ring is going to be. It’s gotten to the point that I stopped bringing it up and if it’s brought up by someone else I reassure him that we don’t need to get married anytime soon and that I don’t care about expensive rings. For greater context, my mom has been sick for the last year and she is my best friend. I’m not sure how long I have left with her and the thought of getting married without her there when she’s seen us grow up together from teenagers to now has been breaking my heart so I don’t know if I’m actually okay with not getting at least engaged while she is still here to see it. I obviously don’t want to pressure him either though considering I don’t even know if he wants to be with me anymore.
He’s been super short with me. It feels like anytime I say something he doesn’t like or if I can’t hear him right away because my hearing isn’t great, he snaps at me. We’ve been getting a lot of bad news about my mom recently that has impacted me so badly I have stopped eating and lost significant weight within a couple of months and when I go to him for support he just tells me he’s here for me but doesn’t show me with his actions. I just feel alone and scared.
We used to go on trips all the time even when we didn’t have much money we would pack our own food and find the cheapest hotels. Those trips meant a lot to me and were my favorite things to do with him. We haven’t been on a trip together in over a year and had one planned for Memorial Day weekend. However, his friend asked him if he wanted to go on a longer trip with him during that time (not including me) and he asked if that was okay. I genuinely just want him to be happy so I said yes because his friend is moving in a few months and didn’t want to be the reason he held back from going with him even though our trip was planned first. He said he’ll make it up to me and we’ll go soon but he starts his full time post grad job right after the trip with his friend so realistically, our trip isn’t happening for a while. I just don’t understand why he couldn’t have just told his friend he had a trip planned with me and tried to find another time that worked for both of them. Just made me feel like I’m not a priority.
There are more reasons I worry he doesn’t want to be with me anymore but for the sake of the length of this post, I’ll just end it with his energy has really shifted towards me.
I’m just not sure what to do. I’ve brought up my concerns with him before and he just tells me he feels bad and he’ll do better but hasn’t changed. Sometimes we go days without even speaking because I wait to see if he’ll call me first and he doesn’t because he would rather play video games with his friends. I’ve been through days where I’m throwing up out of anxiety of losing my mom and couldn’t even tell him because we didn’t speak.
Maybe he just doesn’t know how to handle the heaviness of my life right now but honestly I’m not sure that’s an excuse because if the roles were reversed, I’d be there for him as much as I possibly could and would make sure he didn’t feel alone because I love him so much. I’ve even told him exactly what he could do that could help me which is basically just distracting me and planning fun things with me, which I don’t think is too much to ask from a partner that I’ve spent 7 years of my life with. I’m just scared I’m losing both of my best friends at the same time. Maybe I am.
TLDR: scared my boyfriend doesn’t love me anymore over lack of support and not seeming to prioritize me.