Anxiety around other people's possible incompetence
I'm definitely a perfectionist and apply a great deal of pressure to myself to perform well, and when I make mistakes, I feel a huge (disproportionate) wave of shame. But, I also put this same pressure on other people. My partner and kids (although I try to hide it). If they fail at something important to me - I feel this shame and unreasonable disappointment. Right now I'm having carpet installed and the installers have made a couple mistakes and I'm so anxious. I don't want to bother them, but I keep checking to make sure they don't make more. I hate hovering, and I hate missing a mistake while it is still fixable (pressure on me). I couldn't sleep last night knowing they were coming back today. I've felt that way before - I still see a cracked countertop where previous installers did a poor job, and notice other flaws around my house. These only bother me when I was around and somehow could have fixed it (or chose an incompetent installer - as if i could know that). I'm very unkind to myself. I remember as a child my alcoholic father raging at me when I couldn't adequately do whatever he asked of me - wash the dishes or make him a sandwich or get dressed... Now I am that raging person to myself...What a painful way to live. And I can see now that this is not just perfectionism — it is an old survival strategy that has turned against me.