I'm glad my ex husband is miserable
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I just need to get this off my chest.
I recently found out, indirectly through my ex-husband’s current girlfriend, that he is doing very badly. Apparently he barely leaves the house anymore, has completely isolated himself, has no real friends or social life, and is deeply depressed. She reached out to me because he constantly talks about me. obsessively, and mostly in a very negative way & she seemed overwhelmed by how much of his emotional world is still tied to me.
Hearing all of this brought up a lot of complicated feelings in me.
For context: I met my ex-husband about five years ago. We fell in love quickly, got engaged very fast, and shortly after I said yes, his behavior started to change. Looking back, I would describe it as increasingly controlling and emotionally manipulative, though it wasn’t always obvious in the moment.
Over time, things escalated in ways that were honestly hard to comprehend while I was in it. He would throw me out of our apartment and then, shortly after, beg me to come back. He tried to pressure me into quitting my job. At one point, he even sold my car. Slowly, he isolated me from my friends, constantly criticized the people around me, and took over more and more of my life until I barely recognized myself anymore.
By the time we got married, I had already started ignoring a lot of red flags. The marriage itself was extremely difficult from day one. There were good moments, of course, but overall I felt drained, isolated, and like I was losing myself completely. There was no physical violence, but psychologically it was one of the hardest periods of my life.
Eventually we divorced about a year ago.
Now, hearing that he is struggling so much, I feel something I’m not proud of: a sense of satisfaction. A part of me feels like he is finally facing some kind of consequence for how he treated me. At the same time, I also feel guilty for feeling this way, because I know it’s not exactly a healthy or kind reaction.
I don’t want to be someone who takes pleasure in another person’s suffering. But I also can’t ignore everything I went through, and how deeply it affected me.
I guess I just needed to say this somewhere anonymous.