u/Dulcette

I'm still depressed. I'm still daydreaming of petty revenge. But not as much as before! I've made comments on posts in here about how I wish he'd reach out to me so that I can be a prick back to him. Lol. And that chance finally came!

The last time I saw or spoke to him was on Mother's Day, which was a day before his birthday. I know that day was hard for him because of his complicated relationship with his bio and adoptive mothers and thus abandonment issues. He'd asked for friendship and, after asking what friendship looked like to him, I said I need space and time, even though I knew full well I didn't want to be friends. AT ALL. I've seen his friendships.

Well, nearly 2 months after that last encounter and neither of us have reached out. Then a couple days ago I get a text from him. It's simply a cold MARKETING TEXT about a film festival series the nonprofit org he volunteers for is putting on. No hi how are you. Not even a hey hope to see you there. Strictly the info for the event, including film descriptions and itineraries as if I care, and nothing else.

At first I got mad because of the lack of emotion and the realization that he kept that part of his life away from me, but that lasted like 3 seconds when I realized that I really don't care about finding out every detail of the dysfunction in him or our relationship anymore. I stopped the thought process right at the point where i would try to look for reasons why he was doing what he was doing. I can't keep analyzing every detail. I thought about saying something back, but instead I just blocked him. He's clearly still in robot mode and I have no desire to speak to or see him. There's no retort that would satisfy me and would really just give him what he likely wants: a reaction. That text was a temperature check. An extremely low effort temperature check as I'm sure he either copy/pasted info from the event flyer or used ai to write and format it.

Part of me hopes that by not responding and blocking him instead, his abandonment and low self esteem issues get triggered. I don't really want to debase myself by engaging when I know that, even if either of us are acting in good faith with the best of intentions, this will only end up with me being hurt and feeling stupid for falling into the trap. I'm a little healed, but not completely over it. I'll be damned if I'm going to willingly let my progress back track even a little bit.

This man had me questioning reality, my worth, whether or not I'll get another chance at love and finally starting a family. I'm 37F. Time is unfortunately a factor. But anyways. Screw him.

Thanks for reading! I really needed to get this off my chest. 🫶🏿

Let me (37F) just start by saying this might get long as I'm confused and recovering from cardiac surgery so a little loopy on pain pills. So likely a vent, but I'd like some advice or insight from people who have been through this.

My avoidant broke up with me a couple days before we were supposed to leave for my birthday trip to Puerto Rico and a couple weeks before cardiac surgery where he had made plans to help me during recovery. He said "he doesn't have the bandwidth for a relationship." He "doesn't have the energy to be soft with me." He said was "cold, distant" and i "deserve better." All of this was news to me. He was very loving towards me and my parents. He was very soft with me and I felt emotionally safe. Generous with his space, effort, money, but eventually he wanted to focus on his stressful job.

He kept texting me after, but I was devastated and didn't respond to anything. I really thought to myself during the relationship, wow this must be what it's supposed to feel like. Natural. Comfortable. Not perfect but easy enough to meet in the middle. Our energy was electric and contagious. Strangers, family, friends would all comment on how perfect we were for each other.

My parents won't stop talking about him while they're here helping me during recovery. He's stil been texting them after the breakup. Saying things like he wishes we could have worked. He asked my parents if he could bring over some soup and they said yes. Which pissed me off. He comes over upset that I'd texted him to leave me alone. He "still cares, which is why I'm still here and not in New York for work." 🙄

He seemed so remorseful when speaking to my parents and I wonder if it's manipulation. I heard him say that we're so compatible and it's rare. He and my dad spoke privately and apparently he cried to my dad and said he doesn't know what happened and that I did nothing wrong. But he felt like he was doing the right thing and that he was just mumbling whatever he could to break up with me.

Now it's a week later and he's asking to come over to get his soup container, say hi, and bring me a gift. I'm so confused because it's been a month and I'm still hurting and feel betrayed. I truly felt like this was going to be my forever relationship. I still love the version of him pre breakup. It's hard to believe he did all that as a deception just so I can feel loved. He said he wanted me to feel loved. Idk what to do.

Part of me wants to cut him off but another part of me is hoping for...something different? Him to show me something? Idk. When he broke up with me, he said he still wants to help me during recovery because he "owes me that much" but maybe it's just to ease his guilt and not because he actually cares about or loves me. My head and my heart are at odds.