Stream of conscious: Ariana and the cool girl trope — from someone who only watches the show
Long post, stream of conscious, be nice — I’m newer to the sub and just getting through season ten for the first time. I want to preface this by saying I don’t follow these people outside the show, so please fill me in if I’m missing context.
I was an OG Vanderpump Rules watcher who fell off around the Scheana/Shay divorce era and am now revisiting as a thirty-year-old. Fresh eyes, I guess.
I like Ariana and Katie the most on the show. Katie gets criticized rightfully — she can be very my-way-or-no-way — but I also thought it was genuinely cool to see her extend grace to Raquel in season ten, when Raquel came to her and owned up to suggesting the makeout with Tom. That took guts, and it was pretty clearly coming from a place of open insecurity on Raquel’s part — nothing happened, she admitted it herself. Katie meeting that with forgiveness in the moment said something good about her. I’d still be keeping tabs after that, but credit where it’s due. And no, this is not me condoning Raquel’s actions — two things can exist at once: she dealt with a lot of emotional and verbal abuse from James, which is horrific, and still meddled in someone’s relationship, which is also horrific.
What I don’t see as much of is honest critique of Ariana, so here are a few things that have been sitting with me:
The cocktail book “bitch” moment. Even though Tom was being genuinely annoying about the cocktail thing — dude, it was her idea, back off — she called him a bitch during an argument. I have never called a partner that. I think it’s disrespectful, and I think it would be called out more if the genders were reversed. Not a Tom Sandoval apologist (I am firmly in the hater camp), just noting the double standard. I also can’t recall which season and what the fight was over per se but I remember Ariana explosively yelling at Tom during one of their worst arguments, and I do think Tom is a master at getting under people’s skin, but it was concerning to watch and made me wonder if they have fought like that before.
The Lala backseat situation. When Ariana and Lala were together in the back of the car with Tom driving — was that an open relationship, or was it just not treated as cheating because of how male-gazey the framing was? A lot of cis men fetishize bisexual and lesbian women, especially conventionally attractive ones, and I wonder if that’s why it barely registered as a boundary issue on the show. Tom sharing it was absolutely a breach. But Ariana leaning into her sexuality to defuse the situation felt like it let something real go unexamined. And honestly — would Ariana have been as lenient if she caught Tom having a one-off hookup with a woman? I’m a firm believer he was cheating on her throughout the entire relationship, so maybe it’s a moot point. The Miami Girl situation never read as a fever dream Kristen cooked up to ruin his life — even if Kristen was absolutely doing the most at that time.
The cool girl trope. This is my biggest one. Ariana’s whole thing is being too unbothered to be bothered. I think she and Scheana are actually close for the same reason — they’re both guys’ girls at their core. And that attitude has a cost. She never set real limits with Tom. When he left her alone on her birthday — after she’d opened up about how triggering birthdays are for her after losing her father — just to go to Peter’s birthday and bulldoze, that would have been the end for me. Fast forward to season ten, all these years into the relationship, watching her stand in the crowd at Tom’s cover band’s show, while Tom screams into a microphone about wanting to fuck Schwartz’s mom, while approaching forty… it’s not victim blaming to notice that the cool girl posture left her without much floor to stand on.
Anyway. I like Ariana. I’m rooting for her. I just think the sub lets her slide in ways it doesn’t let others, and I wanted to say it. I think part of it is just deep parasociality (not a word but I hope I get the gist across) like we all kinda see ourselves in her situation or have been with a man who exhibits traits that Tom has but idk.
Please don’t hate me, or do, I’m just locked in on the show rn and wanted to talk to someone about this lol.