u/DullAppointment2534

power is essential to look at when analysing toxic relationships
louis and lestat are going at each other's throats always fighting to have the moral, intellectual, vampire and human abilities high-ground, this is understandable considering louis' place in the social hierarchy when lestat [groomed] turned him
gabriella and lestat have a terrible [might i had disgusting] power imbalance, and lestat tries to fight it but he can't ever let her go, and eventually he ends up where she wants him, because she made her think he needed her to stay alive

there is abuse and manipulation in both relationship, i don't think these vampires could do without, but see it how you want it, I think louis could be considered lestat's victim, just as lestat is his mother's
anyhoo, parent-child, maker-fledgling, vampire lovers relationships are fucked from the get go and applying human morals and politics to them is complicated, so i tend to analyse the relationships before one or both were turned,

BUT regarding Regina, power imbalance is the whole issue and we can definitely apply human morals to it because well she is not a vampire, but I've seen people take lestat's side, saying she's manipulative, that it's her fault, well it's not

let's take a step back, a 20-something black girl working as a waitress trying literally anything to flee poverty, being forced to put herself in even more precarious situations just to survive, breaking the law, abusive working relationship with her boss, shit like that,
this girl happens to have a very rich very powerful very immortal very homocidal stalker who's pressuring her (being around all the time, showing off his money, refusing to leave her alone) into "accepting his assistance" by mentionning very secretive very precise knowledge of her life and side job(the only fans). let's be real, i would also do anything he says, anything i'd think he wants, again, she's doing this to survive, not because it's fun or because she's somehow enjoying it or wants it,
but louis, louis wants and takes, he's a capitalist (paying a whore to sit with him and talk), he builds empires, buys so many shit to grow money, and he has a specific past with poor sex workers and using money and power to his advantage. and if that fucks him up in any way how the fuck would it be her problem, even less her fault
she didn't ask to look like that, it's not her fault she was followed by a vampire when she went to work one day, not her fault she's poor and needs money, the whole situation is fucking her up way more than him

After a long healing journey from a lifetime of rape, unsafe bdsm practices with abusive dominant partners and not-so-great [shitty] sexual encounters, I finally (for the very first time on my part) got to experience safe, sane and enthusiastically consented [kinky]sex with a friend. I took on the role of the dominant partner, which very rarely happened before in my life, and when it did I usually wasn't very aroused, and generally never truly wanted to, I just felt like i had to.
It was their first time subbing so I didn't want to rush anything, or God forbid initiate unsafe practises like my previous partners had.
It was good, great even, we talked about pretty much everything beforehand, and we both wanted me to top and dom. I checked with them if anything felt off before, during and after. Overall greatest experience of my life.
I ran high the whole time, I was confident, aroused, mesmerised by them, and actually spent an amazing time playing with them, we laughed, and joked and even sang along to the music together lol. I felt secure, which was very very new to me. I did ask to be reassured at some point because it felt like a lot, they did, very happily so. It was soft, teasing slow sex, I praised them all the way through. And we both climaxed (I rarely do).

But then, I don't know, we were done and i felt so so so very empty. It hit me very suddenly that all my previous experiences had been really awful, and I became very aware of just how much abuse i went through versus how amazing what we just did together was. I wanted to cry but i couldn't bring myself to, I tried explaining what was happening but I was dissociating so it was really hard. I did explain it a bit, but it was too intense, not the good kind, talking about it didn't help, cuddling didn't help, i thought about a shower but i didn't want to leave them alone or be left alone wondering how they were doing. I started questioning the choices I'd made during our scene, and what I'd liked and i just felt so guilty and sad and empty, and so very scared to fuck things up, and not care enough for them, or coerce them in any way.
I knew of sub drop, and endorphins withdrawal so I tried to not freak out; or freak them out. I asked some questions to be reassured, like if they felt okay, if it wasn't too much, if anything felt off, if they needed some more aftercare or anything really. They did great at communicating, but not matter how much reassuring they did, the feeling didn't go away. I think some part of me wanted to flee, or felt guilty. I don't know. I hugged my pillows and blankets and listened to music i liked while we talked; it went away at some point.
The day after we had [not penetrative] sex again and I also kind of felt like that afterwards. I felt a little bit guilty, I was clamer tough, less empty, and the good kind of tired. But I had very specific needs, like to be on my knees with my head against them, I found it very hard to talk, I needed their hand in mine. When they left my apartment i felt like crying again.

I'm scared to monopolies the aftercare, they told me just hugging and talking felt great and felt like more than enough for them, even considering how intensely they experienced it. I still asked them to think about what they'd like, if they'd like more, and we agreed to talk about it the next time we see each other.
But I feel shitty just thinking about how I'd need more aftercare than my partner if and when I dom them.

I'm also scared that they don't grasp what BDSM really is, they only seem to consider things like sadism and slave training as BDSM, whereas it's my special interest, and i have the vocabulary and knowledge. I'm so scared to fuck up or take advantage or coerce them into practices they don't actually want to do because of what I've been used to from past experiences.
Which is stupid because I'm literally going off of a list THEY made with THEIR kinks, and we just disagree on the semantics of it all. But this feeling, of using them without their full consent and knowledge eats me alive as soon as a scene ends.
Is this common? I told them I thought of it as dom drop, do you have approaches or advice to give me ?