Is my 32 F “guy friend” 30 M a bitter person?
I (32F) have recently started seeing someone (30M). He’s great and all but his low self esteem is putting me off and I find myself losing respect for him.
He’s not confident about his height, or the size of his manhood. He’s always over compensating during sex like it’s a PH video. I can tell he’s not into it because he’s trying to “perform”. But I don’t want that. There was even a day we were texting about my ex’s size and how he compared and I kept telling him that there doesn’t need to be a comparison. Because what’s the point? He’s the one I’m trying to get to know and an ex is an ex for a reason.
The very first night I stayed over I brought my laptop and he made a comment like “that’s the one people with money have”. And I genuinely don’t come from money. I’m still in my childhood bedroom ffs.
The other day I ordered some food to his house while I slept over and he went quiet on me.
He moved in to a new flat and his flatmate is messy as hell, because of that I wasn’t allowed in the kitchen to make my own food. He had to be the one to do it because he was ashamed of the state of the place. My food was ruined because he doesn’t know that a microwave meal doesn’t need the full time, I was pissed because I’m not comfortable ordering someone around with tiny details.
“I know the package says 12mins, but I like min a little under, oh and can you make sure you season it with basil and extra parm, and can I have a glass of water but not from the tap and only in a specific glass”
He even made us make a cuppa in his room. Like he brought everything from the kitchen.
I explained to him that I understand where he’s coming from but it’s not his fault and the mess was here before he was. That same night we were in the living room and he turned the light on and naturally I’m looking around. He says “say what you’re thinking”. Guys, I wasn’t thinking anything. The light came on, I’m in a new environment. I’m going to look at my surroundings.
Then the other day, he was talking about this MacBook that he bought in 2019, and in my experience my MacBooks have never lasted that long. So I said “DAMN”, you know, like the Kevin Hart meme. And he went quiet on me and said I made him feel ashamed.
I probably shouldn’t have said this but I told him that:
“it’s unfair that you’re projecting onto me. I have never insulted you, your home or your financial situation, you bring them up all the time, I’m not with you for any of these things and I think it’s unfair that you’re being off with me because you feel a certain way about yourself”.
We ended the call.
Spoke this morning and I told him that my heart was feeling heavy after the other day. If I want to discuss something it means I care and my heart wouldn’t be heavy if this wasn’t a relationship I was wanting to pursue.
I explained that I’m a really bubbly and confident person, and in the past I have had to shrink myself down to make men feel good about themselves and I am not doing it again, because I ended up building egos with parts of myself and when I needed balancing out there were no pieces left. I resent myself terribly for that.
I’ve seen how doing that affected the women in my family, all beautiful ambitious women who felt sorry for a man and used her energy to love him back to life. It’s only after many years that they see what happened and I do not want that for myself.
I told him I like him and he needs to stop because it’s only going to push me away, and once I’m gone I won’t be returning.
He went quiet and he explained that he heard me. I then asked what he was up to and he just responded with
“I’ll leave you to your day then”.
But I told him we could still speak for a min because I was having a cig outside.
He still said “nah I’ll let you carry on”.
Then we ended the call.
I really like this guy, but I’m scared that if he carries on like this, we have no future. He’s giving Jack Berger from SATC. Give me your brutal advice. TIA x