u/EBBBBBBBBBBBB

It sucks and I'm scared of him leaving all the time, don't get me wrong, but I've fallen head over heels for this guy and the fact that he isn't into me in the same way that I'm into him is actually good for me, which DBT has helped me realize. He expressed very plainly that he's not interested in someone who upholds him as some perfect ideal, or in someone that makes him their entire sense of self and stability. I feel much better now knowing that, if I ever do have a chance with him, it's going to be on healthy, stable terms that can make us both happy. It gives me something to work towards even when I hate myself too much to do it just for me. Plus it's nice not to be fetishized or taken advantage of for my obsession for once.

This mostly comes from talking (and being rejected for like the third time) with my current fp/hyperfixation/whatever. I kinda realized it own my own, but he put it into words better that I don't really have a personality or interests or hobbies of my own, I just reshape myself to be my image of what I think some other person wants. And that isn't attractive, and I know it isn't healthy, but it's sort of my coping mechanism for how devoid I feel of a concrete identity. I'm in DBT now, but I hardly ever get the chance to speak up since it's a group thing, and in individual therapy I'm usually talking about my past trauma.

Do any of y'all have any advice on how to move forward and forge some semblance of a personality for myself outside of being basically a hikikomori League addict? I'd like to do it mostly for myself, but admittedly there is also the aspect where I'd like to be more appealing to my fp (who is much more stable and emotionally capable than I am).