Hey all, mom of a soon to be 2 y/o here. I just need to vent and see if anyone else has this issue, so here goes nothing:
I had a very difficult post-partum with adapting to being a new mom, starting a new career, bought a house, and just overall with PPD/PPA. I’m finally in a place where I actually want to try for a 2nd child and feel mentally and physically ready for it. My husband and I agreed that now is a good time to begin trying for a 2nd child as we do not want to get too used to sleeping through the night and the struggles of having a baby in the house and I believe a 2-3 year gap between kids is reasonable. We also want 2–3 in total and I am 26 and already have some health issues that I feel will make getting pregnant/having a newborn more difficult the older I get, so I have said I want to be done having kids by 30-32ish to account for this. I am also progressing with my career and am thinking of going to medical school next (yes, I know I’m bitting off a lot but I’m in school full time now and working full time and hold a part time job so I feel I can manage).
Anyways, with that context out of the way, I mentioned to my mom today that I had my IUD removed today. She immediately asked what BC I switched to and when I said “nothing, we are going to let things happen naturally” she immediately got quiet then said “But what about (your 2 y/o)? She’s still too young.” I am the oldest sibling of 3 and all 3 of us are 3 years apart so I don’t understand why she all of a sudden thinks a 3 year age gap is too small. My mother also has taken a large step back from being a grandmother to my child and has been refusing to help out with childcare under the guise of “I already raised my children, I don’t need to raise my grandchild” (that’s a whole other issue that would make this post far too long). After saying I wanted to have my kids now instead of waiting longer, she then said “well I think you need to wait and finish school” and “you’d be making a mistake having another right now”.
I told my husband all of this and he is just as fed up with my mother’s antics as I am, but I’m just wondering if anyone else has had this issue and how they navigated difficult family situations. Honestly, I almost want to cut my mother completely off for other reasons unrelated to today but I don’t think that’s fair to my kid. Ultimately, I’m just so frustrated and hate feeling this way but it seems like grandparents in their age-range are all like this in a way.
TLDR: My mom said I didn’t need another child so close in age to my 2 y/o and among other things is generally a narcissistic parent who thinks no one else parents correctly even though she is the main source of my own childhood traumas.