My BF got arrested & spent the night in jail
So my (19F) boyfriend (21M) and I have been together almost a year. We’re both in college and things have been pretty normal between us. Yesterday started out fine, I had an honor society induction, he got me flowers in the morning, greeted my parents, and then he went to study for an exam he had that evening. I spent most of the day working and later went out to dinner with my family for my dad’s birthday.
He had his exam, did well, and afterward he asked if he could go out with friends. I said yes because I knew he’d been stressed studying. We texted a bit throughout the night, pretty normal stuff. The last message I got from him was around 12:53 AM saying he was on the way home and he loved me.
After that, I fell asleep. The next morning, I noticed his location wasn’t updating, we uses both Life360 and iPhone location sharing. I figured maybe his phone died since he forgets to charge it sometimes.
But by the afternoon, I still hadn’t heard from him at all. His location was still paused, which started to make me a little worried. I kept trying to tell myself he just forgot to charge his phone or left it somewhere.Eventually around 5 PM I couldn’t ignore it anymore. I tried calling him on Instagram, thinking maybe he left his phone at a friend’s house but could still access his account on a computer. The call declined but then he called he called me back.
And the first thing he says is:
He spent the night in jail.
And I was completely shocked.
He told me he had smoked weed after leaving his friends house, got pulled over on the way home, and the car smelled like it so they searched it and found a blunt in the cupholder. He ended up getting arrested and spent the night in jail.
He was crying and kept saying he was a failure and apologizing to me, saying he was sorry for worrying me. I honestly thought something physically bad had happened to him before he told me this.
I’m just super freaking overwhelmed. I’m glad he’s physically okay, but I feel shaken and confused. He’s in college and wants to go into nursing either the ABSN or ASN route, and now I’m worried this could mess up his future or his applications.
I don’t really know what my role is right now. I want to support him, but I also don’t know what to say or do because I'm kinda mad he did something so stupid. I also feel weird about the relationship because this came out of nowhere and I didn’t expect anything like this from him.
Has anyone dealt with something like this before? What even do you say in a situation like this?
EDIT: Damn y'all as fast as hell. I’m mostly upset because he’s always talking about wanting to do better and feeling like he’s falling short in school, like he’s a failure because he thinks he could be doing more. And I’ve genuinely been in his corner through all of it, helping him plan his class schedule, reminding him about important forms, helping him build his resume, and just trying to keep him on track. On top of that, I’m studying for the June LSAT and still making time to make sure he’s prepared for his summer classes too. I just want him to succeed. That’s why this situation worries me, it was a mistake, but it’s also the kind of thing that could seriously affect his future and his goals if he’s not careful moving forward.
Edit 2: For all those asking, yes I am graduating college next year, I'm a year ahead in my studies. Hence the June LSAT I'm prepping myself for. We also share 2 locations because I turn my regular off often because of my parents. My parents and Aunts have it too! And he asks me to go out, because often we spend time together at night and also so I feel respected and have a choice to say no which I rarely do.