I feel like everything is going wrong. I will explain to you why I think that is.
Let me begin to say that I am truly not feeling sorry for myself. I genuinely try to understand others perspective of how they see my life. I am at this point finding it extremely hard to stay positive - but also realize I have no choice. As In see it - the second one stops being positive, that is another problem to "solve". At least I'm slightly aware 😉
Let me put it in perspective, I am a 27 year old, white female, living in Amsterdam, The Netherlands. At this point:
- I have been unemployed for 1,5 year - trying to look for a job (always have been employed since the age of 18. Finished my bachelor as well.
- Not in contact with my parents as my father kicked me out of the house at 16, and before that my mother physically abused me.
- Needless to say I am not getting or have been getting any support emotionally or financially from my family (I have paid my own school as well since age of 17)
- My best friend of 12 years has been diagnosed with a brain tumor (glioblastom 4), so will not be alive for very long anymore.
- Can't afford to rent or buy a house (this is not just me obviously, but why not add it to the list).
I do have goals, I would like to be an entrepeneur, I would love to share my love and passions with others (like to make more likeminded friends), I would like to get married someday, travel more than I do now. And most of all - become a better person than I am now.
I have been deep diving in how the Universe works, what might be the reason. Maybe there is no reason?
I have spend time thinking about this, because let me be honest, despite me sounding realistic, it does hurt me. It does bother me that I am carrying this. I have been in therapy for many years, I have tools that have been given me.
The thought popped up in my head to just maybe do the odd thing and just genuinely ASK:
Why is this all happening?