Roller coaster few weeks
I have been through a tough few weeks. I went to rehab 14 months ago. Got out, was on suboxone, went a year just on that and going to AA. A few weeks ago, I had a job interview during which I was told that I can't be on suboxone for position. Quit cold turkey off 16 mg with comfort meds. Unfortunately, the sub clinic only called in like 5 days worth of comfort meds. Most definitely not enough. They said I'd have to come in if I needed more. That clinic is an hour away. At that moment it was like asking me to fly to the moon in a crop duster. Was super sick. Dug through my house and ate a few spoons of kratom to get to local doc and more comfort meds. I am now off everything.
Yesterday had 2nd interview. Told I was hired. Took UA. Was excited. After I got home was called and told I had kratom in urine. Mind blown. Nothing else in urine. And the small amount of kratom was at least 10 days prior to that. They asked if I took it and I told them what happened. They are sending it off to lab. (Why, are they sending it off makes no sense to me.)
Now I am still unemployed. In the past I probably would've spiraled. I slept through the night last night. Woke clear headed and sober. And something hit me. So in AA they would consider that a relapse. Honestly, I have not liked AA this whole time. Sometimes even dread going. I may try Smart Recovery instead.
Now the biggest issue. I want to work in the recovery community. I have already sunk time and money towards licensure. This is just a bizarre feeling of being proud of myself and feeling like I failed at the same time.
Any feedback would be appreciated!