Hii,
I (f,22) have a dilemma I would like some opinions on. I have been depressed for about 9 years now. Despite everything I have always had a job and even finished university. I can’t say I remember a lot about this time but I still kind of ‘functioned’ for the outside world. When I got home from work or school I would always sleep and lay in bed. And I always felt empty or sad.
After a lot of treatments and anti depressants I started RTMS therapy. For me this kind of was my last hope. I can’t say it did much yet (I am on session 28 I think) but I can say that everything is a bit much. I work 24 hours a week have therapy once a week and have rtms session 3 days a week almost the whole day. I juggled this for about 1,5 months but I am noticing a big decline in mental health. I work with people with dementia and I was always thought I was good at the job. I had patience and love for the people. But since a few weeks I don’t have any patience and i have been crying almost everyday i had to work. I hate that I don’t treat the people with the same love anymore. It’s not that I am mean or anything at all but I am just very low in energy and they just deserve more. I think i have to much going on right now.
I want to call in sick for work and focus on therapy, but first of all i am scared to call in sick and second of all because i am afraid my depression will get worse if i don’t have a ‘purpose’.
I just don’t know what is a good solution. Should I call in sick and take it easy or is it better to keep working. It both feels wrong :(
Ps: it might be important to add that I am struggling with food at which i am going in patient for in 2 months so I already will be going in sick leave then. My contract extension is in October and I am also afraid they won’t extend because of everything.