I wanted to get some thoughts on something that’s been bothering me lately.
A friend of mine recently found out he’d been posted in one of those “Are We Dating the Same Guy” groups. He wasn’t told about it beforehand, obviously, and only found out through someone else. From what I understand, there wasn’t anything criminal or extreme—more just opinions, interpretations, and people sharing their experiences or impressions.
But the impact it had on him was honestly pretty heavy. He’s become really withdrawn, second-guessing himself, and it’s completely changed how he views dating. He’s now really hesitant to meet people, especially through apps, because he feels like anything he says or does could end up being posted and judged publicly without context.
I get that these groups are meant to protect people and share warnings, and I’m not dismissing that purpose. But at the same time, it feels like there’s a grey area where things can become quite damaging—especially if the information isn’t accurate, is one-sided, or lacks context.
I’ve also heard people mention situations where individuals who haven’t done anything wrong still get talked about or criticised in those groups, which can turn into a kind of public shaming. At the same time, the groups often say they’re about uplifting and protecting women, which I understand—but it does make me wonder how those two things are balanced in practice.
I guess I’m just wondering how people feel about this overall. Where do you draw the line between protecting others and potentially harming someone’s reputation or mental health? Has anyone else seen situations like this, and how do you think it should be handled?
Genuinely curious to hear different perspectives?
P.S
I can’t provide much but this is all I know from him, from what he said,
When he went on dating apps, women he would speak to were open to sex and they were flirting with him and as he reciprocates the behaviour, they would suddenly turn and delete him. He also told me that it wasn’t harmful the way he flirted but simply was confused!
That’s pretty much all I know from him