u/Earthbound_X

Been taking care of him since around 2019, and I'm deeply depressed because of that and other issues. I just punched a hole in a door, I just want to be dead. I hate myself. I know I've been deeply burned out. He just keeps getting worse and worse, he has almost no short term memory at all. It's like every 5-10 seconds his brain just wipes and he doesn't know what he was doing. So I have to tell him something sometimes dozens of times again and again. Helping me change his clothes used to take maybe a minute, now it can take 30+. He won't stop obsessively scratching, he must be covered in hundreds of scars at this point. He refuses to bathe.

There's no love or care for him at all, it's all just burden and annoyance and hate. We're gonna have some home help somewhat soon, but that leads into my trust issues, so I don't know how to feel about that. I just want to be dead so it's over, I have nothing to look forward to in life.

I don't know what to do anymore.