Husband[29M] is acting distant and different. Looking for advice.
Hello, this is a throwaway as I dont want to be found out.
My husband(29M) and I (28F) have been together for 12years and married for 5years. We moved countries, finished masters, got jobs, built a life and bought a house and overall doing very lucky given economy and situations. We all had our good days and bad days, fights and make ups and family issues. There are whole lot of other issues like him not knowing basic housework or lifework, issues with his mom and all. But the major one has been very constant is our physical relationship. We were both virgins so we learned together, but for past few months, he isnt into it. Initially, it started with him not lasting more than 2mins after 5years of doing it and we had fights as I thought my weight gain was reason he doesn't feel attracted to me. He reassured me its not. Now he isn't interested anymore. 9 out of 10times its me initiating and even then, he acts quick, uninterested and nonchalant. This is hurting me as I feel like he lost his attraction in me. Another issue is kids, I told him last year I am ready to have kids and he said not yet next year. I waited an year without ever mentioning it again and I asked him this year and he said okay, but he acts like he is not ready. Every time to get off protection, I had to ask him. Even in vacation and most romantic set up( I have specifically told him before no using protection that night and he said yes of course), like glass ceiling , under milky way, he made me wait 30mins just looking for protection in the middle of act. It hurts a lot, troubling my self esteem and when I tell him this, he says why I am insecure and my insecurities arent his problem. I don't mind waiting another 2years if he isnt ready, but he says he is totally ready and get offended when I suggest he doesn't seem ready and then act like this. I would directly ask him if he wants to do it tonight and he says yes and then goes to sleep if I dont bring it up again before bed, if I did bring up, he says "Oh I thought you are not interested tonight" I dont know what to do or how to understand his POV. I want to understand, and follow thru what his thoughts are but he isnt really sharing anything. Has anyone been in this situation before, what helped you?
Edit: Also, about my weight gain, we both gained a bit weight due to a stressful year at work and not eating healthy, we dont really look big but just some fat and loose body around stomach. He travels to work more than me so I take care of most of household chores and then also helped him in three different exams related to his career so didnt get enough time for dieting or exercise.