u/EastBayTrashPandas

I finally got around to setting up the entirely illicit and wholly bootleg Albany Marsh trash can and needle bucket shebang a goodly number of you were irresponsible enough to buy me. I don't know all of your names, but I do like the cuts of your jibs!

Now. Will this setup capture all the litter and needles at this site? No. Will it capture most of it, if we loosely construe the term? Yes. Like its red-headed stepchild up on Grizzly Peak, this can will agglomerate the trash. As I always say, agglomeration is 87% of the battle!

I also ogled the marsh in general. The site we cleaned last time is still pretty spotless, but the rest of the marsh could still use another cleanup or two. If you'd like to waste part of your precious weekend dragging trash out of a swamp for free, sign up on my website for the email announcements I've begrudgingly resolved to resume.

Finally, I'd like to remind everyone that all my shebangs are due to the fantastic example of the peerless u/pengweather, who serves as a model for how most humans should be. You are graciously invited to not wait for permission from someone like me to start a peng of your own. The world needs it!

Had an absolutely fantastic time volunteering for Sidewalk Trees & Gardens in Oakland today!

We planted 20 already-large street trees along this stretch of 81st near the Coliseum - in a few years these fast-growing planty plants will provide much-needed shade, cooling, and colorshapes that are good for our souls.

I can't recommend this organization enough - we all need more green! Follow them on Insta and sign up for future events if you're feeling inclined. Great work everyone!

Many of you know me from my exciting string of money-losing trash cleanups. Indeed, some of you have wasted hours of your life and suffered various indignities helping out.

What you may not know is that I am also a founder. My proven record of quixotic failures and itchy rashes has left me uniquely positioned to spot and actionate all manner of stupid ideas. Did he just make that word up? He did - thought leader.

Now. Here's the fetid swamp we cleaned up last time. I plan to install a trash can and needle bucket like the above banger at the site, with the whole shebang locked to the fence. Will it catch all of the trash? No. Will it catch most of the trash? Also no. Will catch some of the trash? Probably, until someone steals it or lights it on fire.

That being said, a lot of people are talking about this idea. It's hot. The VCs and angels got in on the ground floor with a trash can, needle bucket, and snarky sign - there's nothing I can do about that. What I can do is offer you the exclusive opportunity to complete what experts are saying is the most important project in recorded history with a cable and a lock and maybe a set of fancy-ass trash tongs if you're drunk and feeling generous:

https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/7NFGWFOT867O?ref_=wl_share

I'd take advantage of this offer myself but the laws of my country are very strict in terms of how princes can invest. If you do buy something, please post about it below so I don't end up with like 4,000 locks.

These returns are incalculable because there are none! Don't miss this opportunity to actionate idiocy!

A truly fantastic day cleaning a truly enormous amount of trash out of the Albany Marsh with Sophie, Elisa, Brendan, Sylvia, Scott, Tara, and Andy / u/pengweather! You guys all worked like famished pandas in a freshly-filled dumpster and are an absolute chocolate-covered hoot to work with - very well done!!!

One of the highlights of today's shebang was my attempts to use the honest-to-god mall ninja grappling hook one of you fantastic people was unwise enough to buy me. Grapple fever is a hard sickness to cure, but Peng's pending video of my abject failures to snag a floating mattress will likely do the trick. Still, we got that shopping cart - well done, Scott!

Our meetup site being the place to eat fast food, inject drugs, and lose at least one shoe, I'd like to lock a bootleg trash can and needle bucket to the nearby fence. I could also use another tranche of trash tons. If anyone's feeling generous, I've updated my Amazon Wishlist accordingly!

Finally, the only blemish on today's fantastic fiesta of filth was the fact that both Peng and I got $45 parking tickets! Mother of all that's holy, Albany. If anyone's willing to donate $90 $60 $35 now $5 to offset our collective sting, I'll gently encourage Peng to accept half. Here's a link to my Venmo!

Thank you so much everyone, very well done!

Edit 1: it took a bit of panda-wrangling, but Peng finally accepted reimbursement. Phew! A huge thank you to Amanda, Sophie, and Kevin for their fantastic generosity!