u/East_Durian_9823

So i sat down with my wife this morning and asked her straight up who Simon is for her. She still claimed to not know anyone by that name, and that she really just liked it. I told her that her friend's husband told me everything, which was not true, but it would have been a never-ending cycle if i didn't say this. She at first looked stressed, then she started crying.

She told me he was indeed important to her, but they "never really dated." That she liked the name, and she knew i would not agree if i knew it came from someone who actually was a part of her life. I told her that i indeed do not want our child to be named after an ex or potential partner that she is cheating on me with. She just looked at me and yelled, "How dare you accuse me of cheating if you don't even know the whole story". I told her that I don't know it because she won't tell me.

She proceeded to grab her bag and tell me she would go to her friend's house. She came back 3 hours later, still crying. She sat down and told me everything. She said Simon and she never dated, but they did love each other. They knew each other a long time, and he apparently helped her when she was going through a rough time after losing her grandma when she was 11, then multiple times when she didn't want to live up to her being 14, when he died.

She told me that the reason she never said anything about him is because it is still difficult for her to talk about him. But she always told her friend she would honor him by naming her son after him.

After hearing that, I told her that our son will not be named after him because, at the end of the day he is not here, and the child is not his. Also, I am a superstitious person, and I believe names carry personality. When i asked her to describe him, flaws included, i decided that i do not want my son to be anything like him.

Also the thought of me yelling his name for breakfast every single day, then having to look at her knowing she is just not over him is not something i want.

I told her that we need to drop the name fully. She did not agree, and asked if we could give it as his second name. But i explained that Simon was not a good person, and the thought of our son being even a bit like him scares me. She claimed he was the best person she could ever meet, which was my last straw. She is leaving to stay with her parents, who, by the way, have NO idea she ever knew Simon.

So here is the update. I have no idea what to do now, i want to be involved in my son's life, but I don't know if i can see him daily knowing he is named after a lover who was apparently the best person ever. I also don't want her to ruin his life like this. I don't know what to do, i really want to ask her parents, but that would mean i have to tell them about a whole ex they didn't know about.

INFO: Some people asked why Simon was not a good person. He would bully a kid really badly, he always wanted to pick a fight with everyone. And framed his aggression towards others as "standing up for loved ones." He was also misogynistic from what i found out about him, yet my wife denies he really was. He was really homophobic and would be rude to girls if they were "too fat."

My wife (F22) and I (M25) have been married for 2 years, she is pregnant with our first child and is due in 1.5 months. We were talking about baby names early on since my wife often changes her choices, but here she was set on a certain boy name: let's say it's Simon. That is not the actual name, but it's easier to phrase it like that. The real name is nothing weird, just normal, not extremely common but also not rare, just normal, that is also not the issue.

Last weekend we were at a hangout party with our friends. One of her really good friends, whom she has known almost all her life, asked her if she would use the name 'Simon' as the first or second name. Now this was weird since we both agreed we would not discuss names with anyone else. My wife looked normal, and I said to her that she had already said that we are not sharing baby names until we are absolutely sure (which will be once the baby is born). This caught me off guard, because if she hadn't discussed this, how did her friend know she was set on that name.

I had asked my wife multiple times why she is so set on that name, and she said that she just really likes it. I can tell when she is lying, and that was one of those times.

So i asked her friend's husband if he knows anything about it. He said it's best we meet up for beer, so we did that yesterday. He told me that 'Simon' isn't just a name for my wife. It is her old "kind of ex" from when she was 16. My wife has never hidden any relationships from me, so this was unexpected to hear. I asked him what the "kind of ex" means, but he said to discuss that with my wife.

I don't know if she is cheating on me, and if she is, why would she name OUR CHILD after him. I have no idea what to do, i even looked through her whole family tree in hopes her friend's husband was wrong and she has a relative that had that name, but she has none. I honestly don't know what to do, i don't want my child to be named after her side piece or her ex. I know i have to talk to her, but i just don't know how to start the conversation. And the fact she has kept this a secret and would not tell me why she likes that name is pushing me to want to divorce her and, as soon as the child is born, test if it's even mine.

So reddit, what should i do now?

Extra info: My wife is really open and doesn't keep things from me, at least I thought so. She has an ex that passed away tragically, but his name was not Simon. She also told me about him, so the 'ex' and 'death' parts weren't an issue to talk about, which just makes my suspicion of an affair even bigger. She is good at hiding things, since her parents do not know about the ex. His name is also nothing like 'Simon'. Not even a nickname.

Also, we are from Poland, the actual name my wife wants is Szymon, which is a normal name in Poland.