u/East_Formal8704

I will try to make a very, very long story as short as possible.  January of 2025 I (40F) filed for divorce from my husband (38M).  I still loved him very much but the toll of being the only one pulling the weight for our family had finally reached a breaking point.  This had been an issue between us for at least 5 years and I finally had enough.  He begged me to give him one more chance and he really did turn it around.  For 6-7 months we really lived in a dream.  More connectivity, more support from him with kids and house, took a camping vacation and we both had so much fun.  Then 1 month later the MRI.  Stage 2 w/one lymph node.  Lumpectomy, 16 rounds TC, absolutely no hair.  Also, right before MRI I cracked a front bottom tooth which required 2 extractions.  So, while losing my hair I also have two missing front teeth which I have a retainer for, but still.  I started radiation last week so now have markers all over as well and get to wait for my very own franken boob.  Basically, as soon as I got my diagnosis my husband started complaining non-stop about how bad he feels all the time.  He’s nauseous, he’s tired, he’s angry.  He stopped helping around the house as much and became extremely angry and anxious all the time.  I didn’t speak to him on the first day of my infusion because he spent the whole morning whining about himself.  And of course, our physical relationship went to a standstill through most of this because, you know, cancer.  Recently I have finally started feeling a bit more myself and I have been trying to be more playful and seductive, or at least as much as I can.  But he’s having none of it.  He pulls away from hugs, won’t give deep kisses, and last night he just straight shut me down.  When I brought this up to him this morning, he told me he wanted me to think about all the times I’ve said no to him and to think about how that feels.  I told him I would think about all the times I said no to him while he was being treated for cancer then walked out to work.  I know everyone will say leave him but the tragic irony of it is cancer has me stuck to him for now and breaking up a family is just not that easy.  There is no way I would do that to our children (3 boys under 8) as they have been through enough in the last 6 months and honestly, I am still not to a point where I can do all this alone right now.  I shouldn’t be surprised because he always, always puts himself first (thus the attempt at divorce) and I know his reactions are more to do with his own issues than with mine.  I really know there isn’t anything to do about it but he really broke me this morning.  I feel like an ugly duckling that nobody wants and my “best friend” made me feel that way.