Am I in the wrong here
Hi all,
Please help me make sense of this. We are struggling with unexplained infertility. We have been trying for almost 2 years. Last year in August we found a clinic and sought out medical assistance.
Since then we had 3 IUIs, in April an ER and finally on the 4th of May our first FET. I have never seen a positive test in my entire life, so I tried to stay cautious, but I must say I had really high hopes for this one. Everything seemed perfect. Last week Thursday was 10dp5dt, and I took a test and it was negative. Later that day I called my dad, we talked a little bit, but I think I downplayed the whole situation and did not let him know how much it really hurt, but still, I feel like they should have some sense about the fact that it was not the best time of my life.
Fast forward to Saturday morning, 2 days later, we had brunch with my sister and her husband and she announced that she was pregnant, 9weeks. We were at a public place so I couldn’t break down. I have no idea how I held it together and put on a brave face and made it look like I was excited, but it was the worst 1,5 hour of my life. After we said our goodbyes I broke down, and couldn’t stop crying until midnight or so. As we left the place I called my mother (who knew already) and asked why she didn’t warn me that this was coming, she had no answer except that it had to be done right now, there was no other time for this (WHAT?!)…
My sister then wrote me a heartfelt letter over messenger in the afternoon, where she mentioned that she was heartbroken when she heard on the day before that our FET did not work out- with her words: her heart shattered… I couldn’t answer to that.
Today (next week Tuesday) I have to spend the night at my parents, because of travelling reasons, and I tried to talk to them about the situation, of course I couldn’t stop crying, but they did not seem to understand. The only explanation to the question why did my sister had to do it this way was that she did not want me to find out from someone else. She is still only 9 weeks pregnant and we do not have much mutual friends, so it really did not make sense. My mother defended her that it was not intentional, but I can only feel betrayed.
I do not feel jealous, I wish this baby all the best, it is the lack of empathy that hurts right now. I feel like she did not even considered how much it could hurt me.
Am I crazy over this? I feel like I am losing my family, because I do not know how will I forgive them… but maybe I am overreacting. I hate all the hormones.