Wanting isolation; constantly confused, feeling wrong, dramatic, shame, etc.
hello, this is my first post. obviously, I struggle with relationships, and in particular my friendships. recently I’ve been trying to focus on keeping to myself and making day-to-day interactions with others really easy going in efforts to limit my impulsive oversharing and consequential spiral of shame and embarrassment. It’s helped a lot, but I’ve had plenty of “failures” in this also
often, when I suggest to someone that I feel sensitive and want to address something, I feel/told that I am wrong. the negative feedback destroys me. I tend to dramatize things, and in my body that drama feels true, but at the same time I also know I’m dramatizing and just need to get through the feeling-flood in the moment. it’s difficult to manage/balance.
I’ve grown exhausted and embarrassed of myself and living in this constant cycle. I just want to proceed with life solo to some extent. I don’t want to share with others and risk feeling wrong, crazy, too much, etc. it’s a consistent pattern and it’s causes me so much anxiety and shame. I constantly want to take my words back, wish I was quieter and easier-going. I don’t even care about having friends to some degree anymore. Just being a neutral person and reducing my risk for anxiety and spiral makes me feel better even thinking about it.
maybe I am writing this post out of curiosity if anyone else has made the choice to limit interactions, attempt at connection, etc. to ease their confusion and shame? how has that experience been?
I am really starting to feel confident in this decision as even the smallest situations make me so confused and self conscious. I’d rather just keep to myself after so many attempts at genuine connection and vulnerability.