Quick context: I’m 36 (will be 37 when baby is born). I moved from my home state of Ohio to Florida in 2019. My husband’s and my entire family are still in Ohio.
I have been setting expectations with everyone, early, for visiting immediately after baby is born. It’s quite simple:
- I only want my husband in the delivery room. People are welcome to visit before and after delivery.
- Because my baby is due at the end of October (start of cold and flu season-especially in the North) I have asked that everyone has a flu shot and tdap.
- Typically people who visit from out of state stay at our home. I’ve asked for no guests in our home when baby is born or immediately before baby is expected. People can book hotels and ask to visit periodically after she is born.
My mom is throwing an absolute fit. She is 100% against any vaccines. She is upset she can’t afford to travel to Florida last minute and get a hotel to see the baby. And she feels almost entitled to be in the delivery room because she’s my mom.
No one else has had any issues with these things except my mom. And if her reaction is any indication of how she is as a person to handle, making concessions just for her causes me so much stress. She is a very emotional person, she takes everything personally, and she is extremely reliant on other people for most things. I really wish I could have a relationship with my mom that felt safe and helpful, but instead I feel like she is a child. And on top of that, my father passed away 2 years ago and she has been the sad, grieving widow ever since. Everything that happens to her is devastating because she lost her husband and she has to do everything alone now. She is so used to someone taking care of everything, finances and decision making, and as much as I have empathy for her circumstances, I cannot change them.
Should I be doing more to make things easier on my mom? Basically, AITA?