AITH for setting boundaries with my mother after she attacked my partner (through messages) and said she wanted no more contact with her?
For over two decades, I lived practically alone with my mother. My parents divorced when I was young, so I grew up feeling responsible for her emotional well‑being.
A few months ago, we had an incident. She may or may not have dented a neighbour's car – she says she didn't. The neighbours came shouting and threatening us; police had to be called. That same night, her car was vandalised.
During the incident, my partner tried to calm things down. She pointed out we had just moved in and that maybe the best approach was not to create more waves since no one knew what happened. My mother said my partner was disrespectful and wasn't letting her complain. My partner then reminded her that I was the one who called the cops, and that she herself walked daily to the bus stop in front of those neighbours' house – and that neither I nor she owns a car.
After that night, I told my mother I was devastated and felt insecure in the house we just bought. She sent messages saying she wanted no more contact with my partner – that they did not live on the same planet, and that this confirmed suspicions she'd always had. She said our mother‑daughter relationship should remain the same and asked me to keep this secret. I had a breakdown. She told me: "It's not a big deal, get over it," and that I should be stronger. She also attacked my partner's character – calling her insecure, fake, and saying she'd become a dictator like her own mother.
I eventually told my partner everything. When my mother wanted to visit while my partner was at work, I said no – I was hurt, and it's my partner's house too. My partner has heart problems and was on a heart monitor that week.
After that, my mother sent increasingly aggressive messages: accusing me of abandoning her, blaming her diabetes on the stress I caused, and repeatedly threatening and mentioning her mental illness (diagnosed depression). When I offered to call 911, she said I was trying to get rid of her. She posted public accusations on social media that I had "abandoned her in the desert."
My ex teachers and bosses saw this post and some of them called me in shock.
I sent kind messages on Mother's Day. She ignored them and posted those things on FB. I set boundaries and asked for space. She showed up uninvited, left letters in my mailbox, and kept saying only I could save her.
Recently, she lost electricity. Instead of calling the energy company, she blamed me for not rescuing her. I offered practical help: kept her medication in my fridge, gave her a charged power bank, reminded her of her emergency radio and stove. It was never enough.
Now she sends daily messages accusing me of being horrible and destroying her life. I'm exhausted, job‑hunting, and in therapy.
So, AITA?