AITAH for focusing on my life changing test instead of talking to my girl Bestfriend
Hey guys.. I'm a guy who's 19 years old and that's a story about me and a girl I met 1 year ago who was my best friend, and somehow she still is
We met and got close insanely fast. Somehow, even with all the fights and misunderstandings we went through, we always came out stronger after. No matter how bad things got, we’d always find our way back to each other somehow.
A few months ago, my life got overwhelming because of a test that could completely change my future. I didn’t tell anyone what was happening, not even my family. I started distancing myself from everyone, including her, because I felt like I had to disappear for a while just to survive it mentally.
She noticed the distance immediately. She asked me if I hated her and if that was why I was becoming distant. I told her no, and that I just needed time to finish something important so I could come back better than ever.
But even while I was distancing myself, I missed her constantly.
Every time I thought about texting her, something stopped me. I’d open the chat, stare at the screen for minutes, then leave without saying anything. I don’t even fully know why. Maybe guilt. Maybe fear. Maybe because I knew I was hurting someone I cared about while convincing myself it was temporary.
At some point during all of this, she was clearly hurt by the distance between us. She cared that we didn’t talk the way we used to. She cared that things felt different between us.
But because I kept disappearing and coming back, I think she slowly got tired of waiting for me emotionally. i don't know
There was also a moment where she asked me if I hated her, and I kinda reacted badly after trying to explain why my life was overwhelmed, and she said oh you wanna yap ? i just wanted to ask if you hate me or not. I just said NO, I DO NOT hate you, I just have a lot of things on my mind. I immediately regretted it afterward and apologized with a really long message. I told her how sorry I was and how badly I wanted things to go back to how they used to be. and she understood
The hardest part is that things aren’t like before anymore. We don’t really share the same friends now. Back then, reconnecting felt easy because there were always people around us keeping us connected. Now it’s just her and me, and somehow that makes the distance feel even bigger.
Then today happened.
I found out she had made one of the playlists she created for me private. It was a playlist I used to listen to whenever I missed her, full of rock songs and songs about missing someone you care about. Stuff from Bullet for My Valentine and other music that always reminded me of us.
So I asked her why she removed it.
She just told me she set it to private with no explanation.
That’s when my overthinking started hitting hard. I asked her if she hated me or if she was trying to ignore me, and I asked if we could call.
At first, she refused because she was out with friends. I respected that, but what hurt wasn’t the refusal itself, it was everything that came after.
She told me that I used to be the closest person to her and that she would never forget that. But she also told me I made her feel like I only came back whenever I wanted comfort, attention, or happiness, then disappeared again once I got enough of it.
And honestly, hearing that destroyed me because I understood why she felt that way.
What confuses me the most is how fast everything feels like it changed. Just two weeks ago, she was hurt over all of this, but now that I’m the one trying to fix things, I feel like I’m the only one still holding onto it.
And somehow that makes me feel embarrassed for even showing how much I care, even though my feelings are real.
I keep thinking maybe I waited too long. Maybe I disappeared for longer than I realized.
But deep down, because of how well I know her, part of me feels like her words came more from anger and hurt than from truly not caring anymore.
I feel like if I had handled things differently while I was busy, if I had communicated better instead of disappearing, maybe she would’ve understood. Maybe she would’ve stayed emotionally present instead of slowly convincing herself to stop caring as a way to protect herself.
And that’s the part messing with me the most. I genuinely can’t tell if she stopped caring, or if she’s forcing herself to act like she did.