I need to vent somewhere, my therapist isn't helpful
I (31m) have been with my partner (31f) for about 6 years. We moved in together quite early as covid came and it was either that or breaking up (idk why it felt from that). She's my first serious relationship, and well, things degraded quite badly over the years. At first it was alright, I found out about her depression and that she is under medication about 6 months into the relationship. Her therapist ended their sessions suddenly and at that point things went downwards. There's plenty of things I must've done coming from a poor family and quite badly famed area in my country, but I've always worked, provided, tried (probably not always managed to) to be respectful and do whatever she needs.
She hasn't had a job, ever, besides some remote work during covid (and she has quite a nice medical degree that would allow her to get a job if she would retrain for 6 months) and for the past 3 years I have been the only one to pay for EVERYTHING. Yeah she has some small savings so she does buy some stuff for herself from time to time (like some art, some nail polish, some products once in a while), but I pay for everything from the skincare products to health insurance. I cook, I do the dishes, the groceries, take out the trash, and do everything that is either heavy or disgusting. This happens in between my working sprints (so maybe I work for an hour and then cook for another one) and I'm happy to have such a nice job, but I am sure AI will take care of it in a couple of years.
She has no support group and has cut all ties to her family (part of her depression comes from childhood trauma). I never imagined we would get to this point, when I met her and in the first year I really saw her very determined and ready to do something with her life. She is now fully dependent on me.
She's going to therapy but only once every 2 weeks. We live in a western european country, and the waiting times were so bad.. but I also know that she wasn't really invested in it. At some point (and still going on) she gave up on therapy being helpful. She frequently tells me that life is pointless and she just wishes she would not wake up the next day.
I tried a lot, I really did. I cut ties with friends she said they were toxic. I am barely communicating with my family because guess what, they are also toxic.
Whatever I end up doing, it ends up with her in a severe breakdown. As much as I'd like to end things NOW, I am really worried of what might happen to her. She is in a very vulnerable position. My therapist keeps telling me "yeah but she must take care of herself and you of yourself" and don't get me wrong, I agree with it, but when you really care about someone, when you know and have felt the pain they are going through and the traumas they have been subjected to.. it's not just as easy as "I'll leave, bye"..
Her mom still connects with her once in a while, but we moved countries not long ago, due to the situation at home, and I don't think she would have any way to support herself there, and the mental health system is even worse than where we currently live.
We've had fights where we agreed this is not healthy and that some compromise must be made on her end. She always promises on it, seems to actually try for 1, 2 days, and then.. that's all, it's the same cycle, every. single. morning. I wake up everyday thinking "this is my shitty life right now, and I must be here for her, because she has nobody and nothing"
I do plan on asking my therapist AGAIN, to help with this, maybe by involving more specialized help..
The saddest part is that part of this is my fault, trying to shield her from all the things that had her spiral down. Making promises that maybe I couldn't really keep or haven't had the energy to. And if we do break up, I am so afraid of all the trauma she could go through again, because there are indeed some really shitty people out in this world. And I know I cannot protect her from everything, but I really wanted to and have given my best..
Edit: I forgot to mention that she is a WONDERFUL human being and she loves animals and fighting for women's rights. She is a feminist, but sometimes that becomes very toxic and she frequently tells me how ALL men suck, and all men are mysoginists, and sexists. It's pointless to defend myself. I've tried, I understand where this comes from.. It always backfired.
I really don't know how to deal with this anymore. I really am curious if someone else is going through a very similar situation. I did read some of the posts here, and I did see a resemblance in some of the stories, but I wish I wasn't alone and at the same time I do not wish this kind of life to anybody!