dealing with well meaning religious parents
my parents are very religious and i’m (22NB) not. i believe in God and i do consider myself to be spiritual, but i struggle with organised religion due to being gay. i enjoy discovering and learning about my faith on my own terms.
my parents are pentecostal and super active in our church. they’re both pastors and my mom hosts weekly hour-long prayer sessions on zoom. they both regularly volunteer. right now our church is having a 21-day prayer and fasting thing that they are abiding by diligently. i don’t do any of these things.
they have issues with my lack of participation. while i do go to church with them (bc i can’t say no) i don’t pay much attention or am exactly “fervent” (ie i don’t clap and sing during worship). i also don’t participate in any of the youth activities (partly bc my church has made its stance on queer people very clear and i don’t want to willingly engage with people with that mindset, and partly because im bad in social situations as a whole).
they don’t like this and constantly tell me to change. first, they would yell at me and now they try to have more reasoned conversations about it.
i appreciate the fact that they’re looking out for me in their own way - they genuinely believe that if i don’t have christ my life would be ruined. in their eyes, they’re saving me from suffering and eternal damnation. but idk how to tell them that their efforts make me uncomfortable and i simply don’t want to participate in the way they want me to. i also don’t want to “fake” being more christian bc that’s just ridiculous bc i wont be fooling anyone.
while i do live with them and am financially dependent on them, i am planning to get a job and move out. i’m currently in a master's program and actively applying for jobs (i do events part time to save money), but the job market is really bad so ive been unsuccessful even though ive been doing this for months.
i just want any advice on how i can deal with this. i tried ignoring it but they sit me down and “have a conversation” every month or so and it’s really wearing me down.