u/Easy-Staff-8231

This one story has been in my head since middle school and has been through constant change. I know for a fact that its probably never getting published but at this point I only want to finish it so I can get it out of my head and feel satisfied that I actually wrote something.

● WORLD-BUILDING

Basically, its a superhero low-fantasy that takes place in this wierd alternate reality where 30 years ago (placeholder time, but right now I'm placing this at maybe during the 70s or 80s of when this event occured) these deep chasms and holes began appearing across the globe and monsters began popping out of them. They're your typical fantasy races like beast people, elves, dragonborns, etc. They all fled to the surface world due to their home dimension, the Underplane, collapsing. In response, obviously humanity does what humanity does and attacks them out of fear and paranoia. From there, M.A.S.S (Monster Aimed Scatter Squadron) is formed as a sort of second police department or more like a rag-tag branch of the police force.

● PREMISE

But getting to the characters and premise, we follow Ren who's an unconfident and survivors-guilt ridden Officer that tries to do as little change to his life as possible. He put himself into a constant repetitive cycle of complacency and quiet obedience because he fears taking action due to his confidence issues. He used to be an energetic upstart rookie but after an incident where Ren failed to save his Commanding Officer (basically his father figure) during an attack on a small town, he's been scared to do anything since to try and improve.

(During the attack, a large dome was placed around the town by an unidentified group and to make matters worse the town had been lit ablaze. Both Ren and Terry can recall seeing strange shadow-like figures in the distance.)

His new Commanding Officer is Terry, who was promoted from rookie to commander to fill in for their dead Chief. Terry is much more experienced and confident than Ren, but he used to look up to him because of his sheer determination despite his frail stature. Now he's basically given up on him. Ren is still practically a rookie and does the bare minimum like filing, patrol, etc.

That however changes when Terry assigns Ren with mentoring a new rookie fresh from the training camp. At first he doesn't want to get too attached but she grows on him due to her reminding him of himself when he was younger. During a chase with these two monster twins, their fight leads into a public school where the rookie gets injured due to collapsing rubble. While that happened Ren tried to defend some civilians but ultimately collapsed from anxiety and fear when actually faced with one of the twins. After they escape, Terry berates Ren saying that once again he could've gotten someone killed because of his cowardice. This reminds Ren of his past accident and this sticks with him like a burden.

After pursuing them to a bridge Ren stays in the drivers seat of the car until he notices Terry being cornered by the twins. This prompts him to take a sudden stance as he slams on the gas, ramming one of the twins and pushing both him and Ren off of the bridge and into the forest below. Terry is astonished and mad at the wreckless decision, but ultimately smiles a little. Ren wakes up severely injured in a tunnel, where he's just been dragged to by some Bat monster. He tries to limp out but the voice of another injured man tells him he'll just be dragged back in soon enough. Even so, Ren pushes on out of the desperate will to live despite how shallow he's been living so far. But despite that, like he said, the Bat monster comes back and knocks him out cold. This time he doesn't really get up, he dies.

The bat monster comes back. Ren's body is gone. From behind, a mysterious shadow-like figure with piercing yellow eyes attacks him, beating him up so badly he flies away out of sheer terror.

Hours later Terry wakes him up, with Ren being confused that he's still alive. His injuries are substantially healed and the man from earlier is no longer present.

That's basically the premise of Chapter 1. The rest of the explanation I'll do will be kept short.

● CHAPTER 2

There's now a Shadow-like figure stalking Ren. For around 4 months Ren ignores him trying to talk to him. Ren and the cadet become close friends, akin to a mentor and student fashion. One day there's this children's presentation of M.A.S.S at the mall and everything seems to go smoothly until these monsters take over the stage and setting up cameras and explosives. They call themselves the Amber Hearts and they proclaim that they want to liberate the monsters of the city and take it over completely. A massive fire begins growing in the mall, with the Officers helping to evacuate civilians. Ren begins running off after helping a few civilians flee, as the fire in the distance makes him recall an unpleasant memory. He gets voices of Terry berating him, and coinciding, the voice of the shadow-man as well telling him he can help if he just agrees to a deal. Ren runs back, seeing the Monsters leave as the cadet is left injured trapped in rubble. Desperately Ren runs to her but she's unresponsive. She's fallen into a coma.

From there Ren finally acknowledges the Shadow-man, with him saying that if Ren wants to avenge her he shall give him the power to do so with the cost of him having free-range control over Ren's body whenever he pleases (just an idea right now, might change it later). At first Ren rejects it mainly because he thinks he can't avenge her. After three weeks he goes to visit her in the hospital, having thoughts like "what if she wakes up but hates me", "what if she forgets about me", etc. However his anxiety is cut short when the Bat monster from earlier comes into the hospital rudely asking for medical assistance, threating to harm the staff and patients if they don't help him. At first Ren doesn't want to leave the room, knowing that if he leaves again he'll regret it. But outside, he can hear the screams and pleas of the people he's threatening. At first, Ren tries to contact Terry but he's far away and won't arrive for 15 minutes from now. He can hear the monster coming up.

Ok now I'm going to actually try and speed through most of this. Some parts of this are unfinished and are only ideas so keep in mind that this isn't exactly the most clean outline.

The monster attacks Ren, keeping him on a choke hold. Out of regret that he's actually going to die, knowing that he was brought back from death three weeks ago and still didn't make any sort of change in his life Ren says yes to the deal and so he transforms into the Shadow figure again. The hospital is saved but Terry arrives, recognizing the shadow-like figure from an event years ago. He immediately goes to fight Ren but he runs off.

● CHAPTER 3 AND ONWARD

Through this portion of the story Ren basically tries to find more information about the Amber Hearts. He initially does so by using his job as an Officer to his advantage and actively showing up at missions, but he doesn't seem to get anywhere. The Shadow-man tells him that the group are probably inspired by the works of the Ember Clan, an even more powerful group of Monsters that haven't been seen in 20 years that once destroyed an entire half of a city in one night. Their goals are most likely to rally up supporters through media coverage and collect weaponry or a weak spot in the city of some sort. Ren begins venturing out at night which comes at the cost of him sacrificing his overall health and connection to his work. He begins losing sleep and starts missing out on work for days on end. Initially Terry thought Ren would finally change for the better but he's also starting to realize that maybe he shouldn't have believed in that hope so easily.
Ren becomes known secretly as a deranged, masked vigilante that goes around targeting monsters. He doesn't have full control over his abilities yet, with most he can do being channeling armor around one of his limbs but he's still learning. Eventually Ren is supposed to have a change of heart but I'm having trouble developing that. Basically Ren realizes that his methods are way too harsh and instead of using his powers simply for vengance he should use them to help people instead. He sees that not all of the monsters of the city are terrible people like the bat and the Amber Hearts, they're just broken souls that desperately try not to fight back and draw attention out of fear that they'll be labeled as criminals. In fact, most monsters don't even want to use their abilities to rebel, they want to live normal lives in society but they're always bunched up with the ones who use their abilities wrecklessly. In a sense, Ren's vigilante persona goes from being a ruthless fear mongering figure to one that kneels down and lends a hand to the community. Word starts spreading of this masked man going around helping both humand and monsters and Terry is still untrusting and suspicious. Whenever Ren in his mask encounters Terry they always seem to fight.

● DRAFT SO FAR FOR THE FIRST ARC

I know we haven't really gotten to the Amber Hearts themselves so let me briefly summarize what my plans are for them so far:

Ren becomes online friends with this girl during the three-week period before the hospital scene where the cadet had fallen into a coma. She's secretly a member of the Amber Hearts. That's all I have so far.

The Hearts begin making trades with this local human gang by selling off experimental technology that allow regular humans to gain monster-like abilities akin to Ren's powerset in exchange for money and other equipment.

(This idea is from a previous draft and Im debating on whether I should still include it or not. I can't figure out a way to cleanly get Ren involved with the Amber Hearts so this is what Im going with for now.)

(This also ties into the incident involving Ren's old Chief. The town was subjugated into an experiment by a mysterious group that had access to ancient technologies. The tech that the Hearts sold to the gang were stolen from this group. That experimental tech is a faulty copy of a single relic, which will be relevant later.)

Ren gets involved and defeats their leader, (Who I've decided to dub as Colony and uses the abilities of ant monsters, he's basically just a Mob boss but with abilities like mind manipulation and the such)

Which calls the attention of the Amber Hearts. After all of that, Ren encounters the twin from chapter one that was rammed off of the bridge. He's now working for the Amber Hearts as a mercenary and hes been ordered to kill Ren. After their fight, Ren offers him support after he begs Ren to kill him. The twin tells him that he and his brother had come from another city in hopes of finding regular jobs but false rumors started spreading about them so they began robbing banks instead as a last resort. The twin says that all they wanted was actual beds and a warm house. They had skills as electricians but due to the locals' prejudice and fears thsy had to resort to using their abilities just so they could eat. Ren brings him over to a local food truck run that he used to bring the cadet to, saying that the man running it is getting old and can't run it by himself. The twin gets hired, saying that if Ren ever needs help he'll be available.

● TECHNICALLY SECOND ARC

At one point early on Ren stumbles upon a run-down makeshift tavern to the outskirts of the city. This is a local hang out spot for monsters that just want somewhere to relax. During a confrontation between the tavern and the Amber Hearts Ren stumbles into some massive underground structure nearby. He hears distant beeping, recognizing it as morse code. He follows it to the source and encounters some sort of generator room, communicating with it for a brief while and befriending the mysterious voice. The being expresses that he's been lonely for a long time and advises that no one should harm his "garden". He also expresses that he should tell the tavern folks that he's grateful for them protecting him for a long time. He's been wanting to tell that to them for the longest time but they don't understand him like Ren does.

Ren fights off members of the Hearts that are there looking to claim both the ruins and the tavern. The tavern's staff want nothing to do with the Hearts, choosing a peaceful existence but they get attacked anyway. After Ren defeats them and saves the tavern the staff lend him full support if he ever needs it.

The Shadow-man hasn't really been brought up so here's his part of the story. Basically his whole arc is getting to trust people again and letting himself relax (Haven't really planned that one out though). He originally just wanted to use Ren as a human shield out of fear of being hunted down. He and Ren form a gradual but strong friendship that started when Ren was the first person who's shown him kindness by offering him food in two years. Katsu deals a lot with self worth issues, so that alone was enough to bring him closer. Alongside that, Ren also reminds him a lot of someone he used to know. They sort of begin to form a mentor and student bond, with Katsu teaching Ren how to use his powers and in exchange Ren bringing him to local restaurants and diners.

Around the tavern storyline is when he finally comes out of his shell and leaves Ren's mind, revealing his physical body. His name is Katsu (its a placeholder name, mainly bcs Ive gotten too attached to this name in particular from a previous draft) and basically the reason Ren's alive is because of this ancient relic Katsu has that can bind a monster's soul to a human host. With this in mind he took advantage of that to hide in Ren's body which both healed Ren's injures and his as well. The reason he kept himself inside Ren's mind is that his wounds were much more dire than his, and coming out of Ren would leave him more susceptible to said wounds. Basically if he's still injured and he gets too far from Ren's proximity since he binded his soul to Ren's he'll basically go into a sickly state and will be too vulnerable to live on his own.

● FINAL PART OF THE STORY

From there everything seems to be going fine. Katsu is finally willing to go outside and socialize and Ren is living a successful career through his vigilante persona garnering the support of most of the city. At some point after this we also get Katsu's backstory of him being a survivors-guilt ridden vagabond that's been running away from the Ember Clan for two years. The reason he was in the tunnel in chapter one was because he was fleeing from agents that were after him and happened to stumble into the tunnel where he was ambushed by the Bat monster.

However by this point, the Amber Hearts' numbers are growing and becoming more annoying for MASS to deal with. Their main goal is finally revealed, with their ultimate plan being to reawaken Hyperion (placeholder name), an ancient living mechanized mobile battle fortress buried in the outskirts of the city. It turns out that that same morse-code being Ren spoke with is that very fortress. The Hearts' have been trying to gather five distinct keys that will allow them to take control of Hyperion, with one of them in the possession of the tavern staff. The gang from earlier had provided them with one though. (This idea is very new so I dont have much planning for this overall).

While this is going on, Katsu happens to spot two distinct individuals in the crowd. He starts becoming terrified. Ren is obviously confused because he still hasn't told Ren his backstory. The two come up to Katsu while Ren is in the bathroom at the tavern, they explain that if he doesn't turn himself and the relic in to the Ember Clan Ren and the tavern folk will all be executed. Ren comes back, immediately trying to defend Katsu even with him begging him not to. The two agents knock out Ren brutally and Katsu decides to follow them so that Ren won't have to be burdened or hurt with Katsu's responsibility. As the two agents take him hostage, Ren, with the full support of the tavern go rescue him. Katsu berates Ren saying he'll be put into danger if he continues to be friends with him. He says that he doesn't want someone's death to be his fault like last time.

● KATSU'S BACKSTORY

Two years ago Katsu's arrogance in fighting the Ember Clan's leader cost him his previous partner and most of his adopted family including his mentor. The relic was originally his mentor's, the leader of a rebel group of Monsters and humans known as the Red Revolts. They fought for peace between the two races and were at the time in opposition against the Ember Clan.

During a fight over another ancient fortress (Oceanus) , the Revolts were put under a suprise attack by the Ember Clan and Katsu was the only one who made it out alive, with him keeping the relic as a reminder to keep himself alive so that he doesn't dissapoint them more than he did by getting them all killed.

But despite all of that Ren still chooses to save him regardless if he'll be put in danger or not, saying that he's the reason Ren's alive and living his best life in the first place, so he should ensure Katsu gets to do the same. Ren says Katsu is practically the only nest friend he has, he has no one else to lean on other than him. Katsu argues that he's helped him enough, hes got enough allies to take down the Amber Hearts and return to a normal life but Ren rejects that idea saying he'd rather live a life full of thrill and danger with him than one where he'll have to go back to that stale mundane life again. He and Katsu, reluctantly, ward off the two agents. Afterwards, Katsu sits Ren down and explains his entire backstory. The agents also seemed to hint that remnants of the Red Revolts are still out there, so Katsu is debating on making contact or not. As Ren goes to sleep he tries to reach them, with a familiar voice saying to come to the docks at Squits Town if he's ready to return.

● RETURN TO FINAL PART

Ren finally remembers to come into work but its been so long that Terry simply has had enough and fires him. He and the team had just survived a fight against the Amber Hearts during another media coverage event that Ren missed out on due to him fighting the agents, so Terry pushes all of his frustration and blame on Ren, just like before. With no more income, Ren decides that after the Amber Hearts are dealt with they'll leave together for Squits town (which is basically on the far edge of the continent to the east).

I actually forgot to bring up the main leader of the Hearts' so here's basically a summary of both him and the climax of the story.

His name is Stinger and he's a scorpion humanoid-monster. He's basically just some tough and cruel guy that happens to idolize the Ember Clan for their quick and harsh methods of protest.

As the final key is collected the entire army begins to mobilize to the tavern and take it over. The staff initially try fighting back so that they won't get both the key and Hyperion but ultimately they fail. Ren and Katsu are too far from the tavern so they won't make it in time as they help out M.A.S.S deal with excess members flooding the city. As Stinger tries to activate Hyperion, he fights back saying he doesn't want to be used as a weapon of war again, if he awakens he'll trample over his garden which is basically the entire forest. Stinger obviously can't understand him so he activates the generator. The ground begins shaking as a massive mechanical giant rises from the ground. Hyperion, under the control of Stinger marches towards the city. Hyperion begins sucking the life energy out of the forest, something he hoped wouldn't happen because nature energy happens to power Hyperion's artillery.

The nearby powerplant is destroyed, causing a city-wide power outage. Only fire and the glowing eyes of Hyperion can be seen through the darkness of night.

● REN'S ABILITIES

I just realized I had also forgot to mention Ren's powers. Basically his powerset is akin to MCU Moon Knight with armor being able to magically appear on him. The relic that Katsu has allows Ren to harness the abilities of Katsu's monster form. (Also forgot to mention that all monsters can shift between a human and monster form, Katsu happens to be a Rabbit monster) His regular abilities include agility, basic superhuman strength, and the ability to harness electricity.

However at the start the most he can do is either become that shadow-like figure which is significantly stronger but hard to control or transform two limbs at a time. Because of that he had to make his own mask and costume beforehand. At some point he unlocks the ability to transform the entirety of his body and use every armor piece.

● FINAL PART CONTINUATION

Ok back to the plot, Hyperion is just making it to the edge of the city. Terry and Ren fight together, with him asking what took him so long. The thing with these two is that Terry doesn't know Ren is the masked vigilante, and he's always around when Ren isn't so the two had begun to grow a messy bond with one another. Ren is knocked out of his armored form, much to Terry's shock. He's realized that Ren HAS been trying all this time, he's been here at his side all this time and now he feels terrible firing him. Terry tells Ren to go deal with Stinger and he'll be fighting off the ones down here.

On his way over he gets buried under rubble. The city is in chaos and everyone is beginning to lose hope. Ren breaks out, climbing to a nearby rooftop of a tall building and using his electricity ability to signal a sort of flashing morse code to Hyperion. It gets his attention but Stinger aims the cannons at Ren. As he's about to fire the light blinds him and Hyperion begins meddling with Stinger. The two agents from before come in and push him off of the control terminal. Stinger says he's just following what the Ember Clan would've done, he says he can gather his resources and army and add it to the Ember Clan's arsenal. The two push him off of Hyperion, saying Hyperion belongs to the Ember Clan alone.

Hyperion finally regains control of himself, kicking the two agents out of him and marching back to the outskirts of the city.

Stinger is obviously angry and begins rallying up the entire army to stage a takeover. However Ren arrives, defeating him swiftly. Stinger is arrested by the Terry.

A week later, the city is trying to rebuild and Ren had just finished packing up. He and Katsu travel on motorcycle, passing by the destroyed city and the hopeful people that he saved. As they make it to the edge of the city Terry blocks them, saying that by the government's orders Ren is not allowed to leave.

The two fight one last time, Terry holds himself back and is pummeled to the ground. He watches Ren leave as he tries to cover his crying face. Men in black suits arrive, saying they're from the organization that watches over both MASS and the country itself and they're interested in Terry being a candidate for a new program they're launching to combat monsters based on the stolen technology from the Amber Hearts as well as the relic belonging to Katsu.

So..... that's basically everything I have so far. I know it seems very long, messy, and there's a lot of gaps I need to fill which is exactly why I'm asking for tips and advice.

● THEMES

To put it simply the main themes of the story involve self confidence, self worth, self improvement, and hope. Ren figuratively becomes the one to light the candles of hope to the city in its darkest hour. Both Ren and Katsu struggle with survivors guilt and have to learn to move past their guilts and become confident and worth of themselves again.

● ISSUES, ETC

Another big issue I know I have with this story is the overall involvement of monsters. They're meant to be an allegory of racism but I know I'm probably not making it any better by having them be monsters of all things. I can probably frame them a little better and expand on that theme of humanity being distrustful based on rumors and taught prejudice, etc, but for now I feel like its a bit wonky.

I'd like to ask for some critique, tips and advice regarding my narrative draft so far. I know its pretty messy so I'd like to hear some thoughts on what I could do. My main gripes I need help on is primarily:

● Critique over the overall structure of the story

● What I can do to fill in the missing gaps of said structure

● How I can get the beginning of the story to play out naturally especially with Ren’s development into a kinder vigilante

● How I can cleanly insert the main villains into the plot without it feeling like too much at the start

What can I do with an English / Literature degree over here?

Having trouble writing this superhero low-fantasy story, any tips?