Becoming a parent and everything falling apart
Im a 33F, undiagnosed, and Ive been able to manage my life with huge amount of systems I've built and been a bit too tense. Even with all the effort I put in, I've always struggled to remember appointments, meet deadlines, finish tasks, and not lose stuff. And most of all I've always struggled socially, with talking over people, being too much, zoning out in the middle of conversations, being distracted and having a hard time with the pacing of conversation.
I've never had issues in school, it's been very easy for me even though sitting still or not talking has been a problem. Most of my life I've had burn outs, anxiety and the occasional depression. My family members have severe ADHD, so I've always been the "quiet and well behaved one". I think I've just to be a lot more open but have just gotten so much bad comments on my behaviour that now I over analyze everything I do.
Since my child was born my life has just fallen completely apart. Even though I get adequate sleep, my executive function is just non existent, I have no working memory and I struggle with managing my emotions. I feel like I've got dementia and at the same time am too impulsive. I've tried every possible thing and I just barely get by but I feel nothing helps. In my country the waiting time for getting to the diagnosis is long and I still have months to go.
I did try elvanse once and it was a life saver. My constant anxiety I've had at least since my teens just vanished, I felt sleepy, calm, collected and could just be in the moment, not be on the edge and finish tasks. Everything felt so easy. Something years of therapy has failed to address.
I don't know why I'm writing, I guess I just want empathy, or something. I need to somehow hold on for god knows how many months before I can get the help I need. Any other people out there who were doing "ok" before they had kids?