Am I Over Reacting about my father’s wedding date??
Sorry this will be a little long but I feel like I need to provide all context. So my mother and father were married for 25 years, had 3 children I am the middle child we are all product of them. It was 2018 when things in their marriage started to take a turn. (I was 19, older sister 23 and younger brother 17) I at the time was working at the same place as my father and started to notice some changes.. We arrive at work at different time I come in later and at night I leave later. I started to notice when I got home from work he was not there which is strange because I leave more than an hour after him. He would also leave early on the weekends saying he was grocery shopping or when he would bring home food for the family at night it would take 2 hours to get take out. I thought this was very strange but didn’t want to get involved with their marriage. One night he was taking more than an hour an McDonalds when my mom & I were waiting at home I told her this is taking a little long don’t you think trying to nudge her in the direction of paying attention to my dads actions. I told her to FaceTime him and see what was taking so long he didn’t answer so now we were worried maybe he was hurt. He called her back 5 minutes later and stated the line was really long and he didn’t want to answer in front of a crowd.. weird. So a little time goes by and I have talked to my siblings and my friends who all said I was overreacting my dad would never do that my parents were like the American dream family. I tried to push it off but since I worked with him I think it bothered me a bit more I could see clearly what times he was leaving. I was getting very suspicious and now thinking I’m crazy because no one will believe me so I thought I would turn his location on. I decided against it because he isn’t my husband he is my father so I tried more and more to push my mom in the direction of questioning him herself. She later got a phone bill in the mail that had all my dad’s outgoing calls and noticed it was strange he was talking to this 1 phone number everyday multiple times a day. I was the only one home at the time and she showed me and decided to just call the number. The number was her bestfriend at the job she worked! Now let me tell you about this bestfriend. This woman was in an abusive relationship when my mother met her and my mom helped her through and put this woman back on her feet, helped her if she needed money, she was coming over all the time, and just did whatever she could to help her. This woman and my dad had planned my mothers surprise birthday party for her 50th birthday and I’m assuming that’s when my dad got her phone number and started secret texting about the birthday but then later turned into just secret texting and phone calls. My dad claims they never had sex just talking and he hasn’t been happy in this marriage for a while (but didn’t talk to my mom about it). After my mom confronted him about the phone calls she later came in my room curled up next to me in bed and cried while I held her this was absolutely heart breaking. They tried for a little bit (a week) to work things out for their children but the entire vibe in the house shifted and no one wanted to be home even friends that are always at the house didn’t want to come over. As the children we all didn’t want them to stay together after this because why be miserable in a relationship just for your kids we feel it too we can see it. So my dad decided to leave, he said he needed some time to be alone and wanted to be a bachelor again. There was a weight lifted off the house after he left like there was no more tension and everyone returned home expect my dad. So time goes by and my mom thinks my dad is doing his own thing gets his own house etc but he’s not alone he did all these things with the same woman he cheated with. So fast forward to now my dad has been with this same woman he cheated with and my mom has tried to move on as well but she isn’t fully committed to anything she is still hurt after all these years. It is 2026 and my dad lets me know he is getting married to this woman all of the children are like whatever because they’ve been together a while now I’m still upset how they got together but I’m happy my dad is happy. The only thing that set me off is he decided the date of the wedding is my mom’s birthday weekend. It is not on her actual birthday but it’s the same weekend. I think this is absolutely fucked up and cruel after everything that happened so I called my siblings to see what they think. My older sister thinks “we have punished dad enough” even though we never really punished him for what he did we still talked to him we never went no contact or anything and my younger brother thinks it’s a little early for them to be getting married which I think is him in a nice way saying he doesn’t like it because they have been together now for a long time. To clarify I don’t mind my dad getting remarried what I care about is their date and now they’re wedding anniversary every year next to my moms birthday so she has a constant reminder when she’s happy for her birthday of what happened. It to me looks like the last fuck you this woman can give my mom she has basically taken her life in my eyes so I don’t know if im being crazy or if anyone else feels that way. The only other thing this woman could do is buy the house our family grew up in that my mom designed and my dad built so I’ll keep you updated if that happens or if they have children. I feel like I’ve been trapped in the middle of all this for a very long time and I guess need to feel validated am I over reacting because I’m seeing my moms perspective how she would feel?