AITAH for asking for a playdate, then canceling and going with someone else
My child A (8) is long time friends with L (7). Things with L's mom haven't been easy, but I maintain a relationship for my child's sake. I ask for playdates, I drop my kid off, I take their kid, it's all fair and mutual, but no big friendship.
L is also ... not easy, but A and L are BFFs.
There was a fair this weekend. My kid wanted to either go there or play with another kid, we live fairly rural and wanted to drive to the nearest town to do some shopping, I figured arranging a playdate is the way to go, that way everybody's happy.
I asked L's mom. she agreed to take my kid. then my kid wanted to come shopping with us. another text to L's mom, sorry, kid changed their mind, hope you didn't tell your kid yet.
she texted back, no problem, if we changed our minds again, we could still drop our kid off. I hearted the message but didn't text anything back.
then kid didn't want to go - AGAIN. I was annoyed. I decided to not bother L's mom again and asked another mom, mom to M and J. she agreed to take my kid.
three reasons: 1) this became a whole back and forth with L's mom and I didn't want to bother AGAIN. 2) M and J are super sweet and easy going, as is the mom, I was happier with them being together after a rough morning. 3) they hadn't seen each other in a while, so a playdate was long overdue.
I didn't tell L's mom any of that, I didn't feel the need to text her, she's not my mom, she doesn't have to OK my scheduling.
We dropped our kid off at M and J's mom, went to do some shopping, came back. M and J's mom had taken them all to the fair (she had asked in advance, we were ok with that). we parked our car, went there as well.
there's this kiddie area they set up with kids' music and face painting and arts and craft. they were there. when we walked up, we saw L, L's mom and they did not look happy.
Conversation something along those lines:
L's mom: A is here after all. with M and J. my L is distraught, close to tears.
me: yeah, sorry, it was a whole back and forth this morning.
L's mom: they just abandoned my L. Left her standing.
me: they're 5 and 6 and probably stayed close to their mother. i told A to stay close as well.
L's mom: well, I'm telling you what it felt like from L's perspective. so A didn't want to come with us to the fair, but with M and J?
me to L: it was our decision, A didn't know. we decided she should go to M and J. But now we're all here, so you guys can all play.
L's mom: no, we're leaving.
me: ok.
The next morning, my kid got three voice texts from L.
L: I hate you.
L: it's either them or me. you're so mean.
L: they try to take you away from me. you made me cry yesterday.
and same unintelligible ramblings.
honestly, we were shocked. this is bordering on classic text book abuser behavior. L can express their feelings, that they felt left out or hurt, but to make my kid choose? to tell them, they hate them? to make my kid feel responsible for the other kid's feelings? red flag, red flag, red flag.
we saved the voice texts, sent them to L's dad, simply wrote: we'd wanna know too if our kid sent something like this. this is not okay. listen for yourself.
now, when i relay the story, people tell me I was the AH for going with someone else, for not telling them. I don't think I owed them that level of information, the back and forth, anything.
AITAH?