u/Ebbylynn

Hi everyone, I (F, early 30s) recently had a major fallout with my cousin “Maya” and her boyfriend “Jordan,” and I’m trying to decide if I by uninviting them from my wedding and going no-contact is too much.

For context, this isn’t about a single incident. Over the past few years, there has been a consistent pattern of boundary issues with both of them. Specifically, they often dismiss or override boundaries unless they personally agree with them, regardless of how the other person feels.

One ongoing issue is that THEY BOTH frequently uses a slur (“faggot”) in conversations and messages, even after I have repeatedly asked that it not be used around me. I did not initially explain the deeper reason it bothers me (it is tied to a personal traumatic experience), but I did clearly communicate the boundary.

Recently, things escalated in a group chat when Jordan sent a voice message repeatedly using that slur while venting about someone online. I stated I would not listen to the message due to the language being used, as I have always communicated when I disengage from conversations.

After that, Jordan directly messaged me the slur written out multiple times. This led to a heated argument, and I eventually explained the deeper reason the word is triggering for me. Instead of understanding, they questioned why I had not disclosed that earlier.

After the situation escalated further, I left all group chats and blocked both of them.

Now, I am also planning my wedding (2028), and I originally intended for my cousin to be involved in the process and celebrations. However, after this incident and the ongoing pattern of behavior, I no longer feel comfortable including either of them, and I am thinking of uninvited them.

I still care about my cousin and wish things were different, but I do not trust that the behavior will change.

So… WIBTAH for uninviting them and going no-contact after this escalation?