My boyfriend says he's too tired to communicate it’s been two years!!
I 20F have been with my boyfriend 20M for nearly 2 years and honestly I feel like we're getting close to breaking up.
For pretty much our whole relationship I've been the one carrying most of it. We've had a lot of conversations about it over the years.
we were best friends in school used to talk and have fun all the time.
at that time he wanted the relationship to happen but i didn’t because i didn’t wanna lose the friendship we had, after we graduated we got together
At the start i was clear to what i wanted in the relationship which was communication trust and transparency. and I'd get frustrated and lose my temper because I felt like I wasn't being heard. after a year i stopped trying i was giving 100% if trying to teach him to communicate with me,
Over the last 6 months though, I've really tried to change how I approach things. I've been calmer, more logical, and I've tried to explain exactly what I need instead of getting emotional. like i used to be at the start
The things I'm asking for aren't huge either. Just a text here and there letting me know what he's up to, or a quick phone call after work. Just something that makes me feel connected to him.
For context, we both work a lot. I'm a full time uni student and work 3 days a week, so my schedule is pretty packed. He's works in trade and starts very early in the mornings and is exhausted by night. I understand his long downtime for a long time. The last big time I’ve brought this up he was currently burnt out. I put my emotional needs to the side to make sure he was okay to deal with the bigger problem (communication)
For a long time I accepted that he was exhausted and burnt out. Whenever he'd say he was tired, I'd tell him to rest and I'd try not to pressure him. But lately it's starting to get to me because no matter how busy I am, I still make time for him. I still send texts, check in on him, and make an effort to stay connected.
What hurts is that sometimes it feels like communication only happens when I start it. If I don't reach out, I can go hours and sometimes most of the day barely hearing from him. Then when I bring it up, the answer is usually that he's tired, busy, or forgot!!!.
I genuinely don't think he's a bad person. I know he works hard. But at some point I feel like being tired can't be the answer to everything.
I guess I'm wondering if I'm expecting too much? Is asking for a text or a quick call unreasonable when someone is working long hours? Or am I ignoring a bigger issue, which is that maybe we just have very different needs when it comes to communication?
I love him, but I'm getting exhausted from feeling like I'm fighting for something that should come naturally.
What would you do in my position?