u/Echidnux

This is something that is really throwing a wrench in my mental state lately.

I am white, and I have all the privileges that come with that (I mean, minus the ones for white men obviously, but you get what I mean). I also have a history of taking a lot of shit from men from many racial/ethnic/etc backgrounds, especially being sexually harassed and stalked. In my experience men are gonna be men in a patriarchal global society and I’m learning to say “no” to toxic behaviors and sexual advances from men better than I ever have.

It’s just that sometimes (big emphasis on sometimes), I’ll encounter toxic behavior coming from a BIPOC man and I feel like I’m supposed to just hold my tongue because like… the optics of a white person criticizing them looks bad or something?!

Example: I have a friend of a friend who is treated awfully by her husband. He cheats on her, neglects her when she’s sick, and is just generally a creep. But she gives him so much more grace than she deserves, and when someone else stands up for her he calls them racist! It’s like I’m not allowed to judge this guy even though he disgusts me!

I don’t know how to deal with these feelings where I know an individual is doing something wrong, and I want to call them out as an individual, but I also think I’ll get public backlash because of differences in race. I hate having to be quiet, but I also don’t want to be one of those horrible white feminists that hyper focus on misogyny in BIPOC communities and don’t scrutinize white society the same way.

It’s just feels like I’m stuck. How do other people deal with this?

They keep ruining my damn mage playthroughs.

And using nothing but Absorb Health to counter reflect is boring.

Something that makes me legitimately happy to think about lately is the number of places you can made a fandom space that is safe for women. Looking back to the early 2000’s the infrastructure for online women’s spaces wasn’t nearly as established as it is today. Sure you had places it was safe to be a woman, but those spaces centered around discussing womanhood. You never had something like a forum full of women who were into Lord of the Rings; fandom spaces were overwhelmingly male.

I feel like that has changed for the better! Not that there isn’t more improvement to be done, but rather I want to be happy today for the progress we’ve made! Because talking with men about your hobbies can really suck sometimes and I’m glad I don’t have to!

Where I live, condemnation of porn is considered a conservative, “Good Old American Values” kind of talking point dominated by homophobia and sexual repression. I often worry that whenever I criticize pornography (or the social objectification of women in general), conservative Christians will get the impression that I support their efforts to drive off all “the gays” or flagellate myself for having “sinful thoughts” so my question is:

How do I distinguish myself from people who agree that porn is bad, but also just hate anything that deviates from procreative, self-repressing heterosexual sex?

Because honestly, I really hate those people and know they’re gonna turn on my non-binary ass the moment porn becomes illegal.

Every year I wake up on Father’s Day and feel melancholy. Father’s Day makes me feel awful.

For the record, I don’t have an abusive father. I have a dad who tries. He’s not perfect and I (usually) don’t expect him to be.

I think my depression/anxiety comes from the idea that *all* dads can take Father’s Day as an affirmation they’re doing a good job. The worst dad out there can celebrate Father’s Day and feel good about their awfulness.

It just feels like a free attaboy for too many dads. I hate that, and frankly I don’t trust men enough to give them a broad categorical free attaboy.