u/EconomicsAfraid7157

How big of a deal is this?

Wife is a covert narc and baited me into a conversation over text last week.

I was an idiot and took the bait.

I shared with her my concerns about the following things.

Late night DM's with a former coworker she knows I hate.

I bring up that she omitted the fact she went to bars several days in a row without mentioning it. I found the charges on the bank statement.

Learned that she had playdates at a dog park with another male coworker.

Of course she turned everything around on me without discussing what I just brought up.

Then she started lying about things. I opened up about some real personal shit. She shut down the conversation by saying we need a couples therapist.

A few days go by...

She wants to show me a picture on her phone and opens her camera roll.

What do I see?? Screenshots of our conversation. I don't say anything in the moment.

Ok now the kicker. I finally ask her about the screenshots. She says she showed her kids (my step kids of 13 years) I'm shocked.

I ask who else. She says her Dad.

I ask any friends. She says yes. I ask which ones. She refuses to answer.

I am at a complete loss about how I want to handle this.

So here is a little background. Sorry for the novel.

I am a 40 something/m who has been a childless stepfather of 2 wonderful stepkids for 14 years. Their mother, my S/O, checks all the boxes of a narcissist.

Recently she has (in my opinion) been microcheating.

1.Going to bars without telling me until I see the charges on the statements.

2. DM'ing her former coworker I despise. Knowing this and being cool with it. Amongst other guys on FB. Including an ex.

3. Making a playdate with a male coworker at dog park while I'm out of town. Not 100% sure whether or not those bar charges were or were not related to him.

4. She rarely asks how I am, how my day was. I usually have to initiate text conversations, which often get ignored for hours. I initiate 90% of intimacy or deep conversations.

Ok, now the meat of the question. Do I tonight and into tomorrow ignore all texts for the next...I dunno 12 hours and recreate a similar fake scenario she actually put me through while out of town?

Like for example...tell her (after 12 hours of radio silence like she did me) that I went to a bar near the hotel I often stay at for work. TelI her I met a couple of ladies. They bought me drinks and I bought them drinks.

Then after the radio silence I tell her that if she sees any charges on the shared account in the next few days thats why.

Also, as a bonus! One of these fictional ladies hasn't been to a dog park near the hotel. So, naturally I offered to show her around after work tomorrow.

Super curious your thoughts everybody.