My mom blew up her life
My parents were both alcoholics and drug addicts. My dad got sober in 2007 and stayed sober until he died in 2018. My mom stopped drinking in 2008 but continued to smoke pot and struggle with pills until 2016. She went to rehab and has appeared sober since then. Our relationship has improved so much, especially since we lost my dad. We rebuilt trust, and five years ago she met someone in the program who I became very close with, his family as well.
What felt like out of nowhere, she kicked him out in a day, telling us she was afraid of him and he started verbally abusing her for a week and she couldn’t take it. But quickly started saying that he should get help and come back to her, fuck him, I still love him, he will get a new girlfriend you just watch. When I didn’t react the way she wanted she yelled at me, saying how disappointed she was in me for not being outraged for her. Calling me back five minutes later telling me that she loves me and I should still keep a relationship with him. The whiplash triggered memories from 2016 and I asked her how ex boyfriend if he thought she was still sober. He said that he thought she was overdoing it with pain pills and had been acting erratic. It all clicked.
I immediately went into emergency mode, planning to fly there immediately, find someone more of an adult than me that could help… then I spoke to my dads former sponsor who reminded me that addicts will break your heart, and I cannot force a change. I made the choice to call her and ask her, as kindly as I could, if she was still sober. She flipped out at me and accused me of not supporting her. I told her I loved her and that’s all I could do.
I hadn’t thought about this happening in so long, I’m feeling shocked. I’m back and forth, gaslighting myself saying maybe I’m wrong, maybe I’m overreacting. But I don’t think I am. And I don’t even know if it matters.
I’m going to my first Al anon meeting tomorrow since 2016. I never felt comfortable there, but I am a very different person than I was a decade ago. I have my own life, marriage, home, commitments that I love dearly. But man I am overwhelmed.