Too many questions to summarize in title. Girlfriend shows many signs of BPD. Unsure of how to proceed further in relationship.
Hi, my girlfriend likely has BPD. We are both young and just recently turned age of majority so she is not officially diagnosed. She has severe mood swings, sometimes multiple a day. Really bad abandonment issues. Very reactive, and many more signs. I would like to apologize in advance if I mislabel or misuse any words. I am new to this and am still trying to figure it all out. Feel free to correct me in the comments.
I wanted to write this to get my thoughts out and ask some questions and possibly get some advice. It may be very messy and slightly confusing so I am sorry about that. I understand if mods need to take it down for whatever reason.
My girlfriend and I have been dating for just over a year and a half. At first everything seemed great and there wasnt any really obvious "problems" (sorry if that is the wrong word to use). Over time I realized she was very very emotional, which i didnt have any problems with, I just saw it as something to get used to.
As time went by I was starting to realize that she really really depended on me, for everything. She always needed me to tell her what to do if she was bored and if I couldnt give her a good option she would get very upset and normally stop talking. This is a common thing for her, she will stop talking if she gets upset. Another example, if we ever are planning to see each other, and I have to cancel, she gets very very upset. Now I would also like to mention that this is my first relationship, so I have nothing to compare this relationship to in terms of what the norms are, which is why I didnt really question it at first.
I have a pretty good idea as to why I am depended on so dearly. A few years ago her primary caregiver unfortunately passed away, who wasnt one of her parents. She was very very close to this person and this person essentially took care of her, her entire life. Her actual parents seem like nice people, but they arent as caring as her guardian was. I think once I came into her life, I sort of replaced her guardian in a way. I showed her love, and made it very clear that I cared about her and that she mattered a lot to me. Which I think she was lacking in from her parents.
I also want to say that I normally dont mind being depended on a bit, it doesnt bother me too much. But she really starts to scare me sometimes. She has brought up taking her own life a lot, I really dont know what to do in those situations. She often isnt home alone so that puts my mind at ease a lot of the time. She has never attempted that I know of which is a good sign I suppose. This ties into "depending" on me because she'll often say something along the lines of "If we hadnt gotten together, I probably wouldve already taken my own life". Which really scares me and truthfully makes me feel trapped. I'm not saying I want to break up, but I hate feeling trapped.
I love my girlfriend very much, and I wish nothing but the best for her. But I sometimes feel as if Im not the right person for her. I am truthfully impatient, and I feel like I couldnt properly support her for 60+ years. I dont know what to do. I have encouraged her to go to therapy or seek help in some way but she says her parents wouldnt approve of (not sure how true that is).
I dont really have a specific question to be answered I just needed to get my thoughts out. I am open to advice or criticism or questions, or just comments in general.
Thanks for reading.