I can't get rid of constant thoughts of my old "friends" after getting betrayed by them
It all started off as me being triggered by things like a character in a tv show being betrayed and me relating to it and getting angry but then over time even the smallest things I did reminded me of my past such as songs that I used to listen to with friends or even other interests that I shared with them.
Later on it evolved into outbursts of anger, raging, destroying things, setting the things that reminded me of them on fire. It was this deep unstoppable hatred and rage that I couldn't control.
All of this while they probably don't even care about me anymore, I just wanna stop caring, I want to forget them and stop caring but I just can't, I want to but I feel incapable of doing so
But once the hatred and rage stopped, I was left with this feeling of a hollow pit within me, like some part of me just died after the constant hatred, anger and pain. It makes me feel...empty.
And as if that hollow feeling wasn't enough, I'm still stuck with thoughts of them, it's gotten to the point that I can no longer sleep in peace, I don't even feel hatred or rage anymore, it's just a thought that keeps popping up, like a constant reminder that they exist, every thought I think is followed by "Hey, remember they exist? Well you sure do now"
I just can't forget, I want to live my life again, I want to move on but the reminders, they don't stop, they're just there, I can't even divert my mind to something else without thinking of them, how do I forget them? How do I stop remembering them? Just how?
I just want peace